Fix you
by raffertypaulsen
Summary: Inspired by a comment AK made about how they might reveal that Harvey kept seeing Dr. Lipschitz. Although I loved Harvey's sudden epiphany in 8x16, I can't help but wonder if he and Donna had a little help from Stan along the way. Story begins sometime after 8x06 and continues through and beyond season 8B.
1. Chapter 1

Harvey's not exactly sure why he had found himself calling Dr. Lipschitz for another appointment, but maybe a little piece of him wanted to prove he really was better than Louis at therapy. And maybe the therapist's words had rankled him just a bit. _You have some things you could work on._

Yeah, that was no surprise. But after his last experience with therapy he hadn't exactly found himself better off, so his attitude isn't entirely optimistic. But nevertheless, here he is on this Tuesday afternoon, ducking out of the office in between client meetings to allow himself to be cross-examined. Willingly.

"Harvey, please sit down. I am so glad that you decided to come in for another session."

He takes a deep breath and settles into the couch opposite Stan.

"Why don't we begin where we left off. I believe we were talking about family."

"Anything but that," Harvey says grimly.

Dr Lipschitz smiles slowly. "I would suggest that is exactly the reason to start there."

Harvey sits back, resigned, waiting for the interrogation to start.

"So, we were discussing how you were struggling with the idea of Louis' family expanding. Does it make you upset that you have had difficulty reaching the stage of settling down with someone and having a family?"

"Wow, that's a great way to start. Thanks." He rolls his eyes and says nothing. Playing happy family wasn't exactly in his life plan, but it still hurt to hear it out loud.

"Harvey, I would remind you that you are here of your own volition. You are free to go at any time, but if you are interested in working through this, it is most helpful if you try to answer honestly and resist the urge to be defensive."

"Fine. Yes. I'm not exactly a great success story in relationships."

"And that frustrates you?"

"No, it _thrills_ me."

Stan ignores his sarcastic comment, and Harvey doesn't blame him.

"I'd like to explore whether there are any repeated patterns causing problems in your relationships. Your last serious relationship, for example – what was the reason it ended?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Harvey, again I—"

"We just weren't right for each other," he snaps, irritated.

"You mean you wanted different things?"

"Yeah, you could say that. She…" Harvey tries to find the words to explain just what a goddamn mess that had been. "She wanted me to cut Donna out of my life."

"I see. And you were unwilling to do that?"

Guilt racks at Harvey as he admits, "I tried…but eventually…I just couldn't do that to her. She'd been there for me for twelve years. It wouldn't be the same without her. The firm, I mean," he adds quickly, not wanting to be misunderstood. "She worked her whole life to get herself into a leadership position. And she deserves it."

"So, you prioritized your professional loyalty to Donna above your relationship."

"We weren't in a relationship," Harvey says, without thinking.

Stan stares at him. "No, I didn't mean with Donna. I meant your relationship with the woman who was asking you to cut ties with Donna. What was her name?"

Feeling embarrassed, Harvey says sheepishly, "Paula."

"Let me rephrase. So you prioritized your working relationship with Donna over your romantic relationship with Paula?"

"I guess."

"That is very admirable, Harvey. I'm sure Donna appreciated your loyalty. I'm sorry that it caused you to lose someone you cared about."

"It's fine. It wouldn't have worked out in the long run anyway."

"Why do you say that?"

With every one of Stan's probing questions Harvey feels himself growing more and more uncomfortable with where their conversation is headed. He's not quite sure why, knowing that he hadn't done anything unethical; after all, he'd waited the full year. And yet, for some reason he didn't want to hear what Stan had to say on the subject of therapists dating patients.

"Harvey, the more detailed our discussions are—"

"She was my therapist." He says it quietly and looks down at his hands.

Lipschitz is silent for a moment, and when he speaks it sounds like he's considering his answer carefully. "I didn't know you had seen a therapist previously. You didn't indicate that on your patient form."

This response feels so ridiculous to him that he's not even sure he heard correctly. "I tell you I dated my therapist and _that's_ what you focus on?"

"I mention it because the fact that you omitted it, and your response just now, suggest that you feel guilty about it in some way."

"I don't know what you're getting at, but just so you know, I followed the waiting period. We didn't have any contact for a year. I know the rules."

"I am merely trying to understand the situation, Harvey. Although you may have guessed that I see such relationships as being quite problematic, of course there are different levels of concern depending on the focus of the therapy. What prompted you to go see her?"

Harvey thought about the day he had, in Donna's words, put on his most impressive outfit and picked up a Ferrari Daytona, with the intention of sweeping her off her feet. "I guess I just felt like I was ready to take a step forward. I was in a good place in my life, and I wanted to share that with the person who had helped me get there."

"No, I meant to ask, why did you pursue therapy with her in the first place?"

"Oh." He feels embarrassed again and considers how much of the truth to tell Stan, then starts hating himself for being such a pathetic coward. What the hell was the point of therapy if you didn't tell the truth? "I was…going through some stuff at work. Donna decided she would rather work for Louis than me…I'm sure you heard all about that," he trails off, unable to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

"Of course, I do remember hearing Louis' perspective about that situation. But I would like to hear yours."

"What is there to say? She left. It was bound to happen eventually," he says, attempting to sound nonchalant.

The doctor doesn't seem to buy this random turn of events. "And did anything happen in particular that led her to make that decision?

"It was…complicated. She did something, and went through this whole thing with being on trial, and thinking she might…go to prison."

"I am sure that must have been a very upsetting time. How did it make you feel?"

"Me? I was too busy busting my ass fixing everything, I didn't have time to think about feelings."

Stan looks almost amused by this pronouncement. "Harvey, quite on the contrary, it is a sign of your feelings that you were working so hard to fix the situation. And I presume you were successful, in this regard?"

"Yeah."

"It is very impressive, how you fight for the people you care about. But I cannot help but think that you are leaving something out. It seems unusual that Donna would choose this time to work for someone else after you had just protected her from such a life-altering consequence."

"Well, why don't you ask her," he says dismissively. The memory of her silhouette walking away from him that evening still haunts him, and he's here to fix himself, not bring up past pain.

"I am interested in your perception of what happened."

Harvey sighs. "Things just got a little…intense…between us."

"Intense in what way?"

"It just brought up a lot of stuff for me, protecting her in that way…I told her that I would never let anything happen to her and that…I loved her." As soon as he says the words out loud, Harvey starts to regret it. He can't quite read the expression on Dr Lipschitz' face, but it looks a bit like pity and he can't stand that.

"I see how that could make it difficult to continue working together. She was not interested in pursuing that type of relationship with you?"

His frustration growing, Harvey starts to think this has all been a waste of time. "What?" He snaps. "Why would you say that? I wasn't—"

"Forgive me Harvey, I just assumed that if she had reciprocated your feelings this story would have a…different resolution."

"Look, I know what it sounds like, but it's not like that between us. We've had clear boundaries for a long time. It was just…I don't know, the emotions of what we were going through, everything got all messed up."

"And you pursued therapy to try and fix, in your words, what was so _messed up_."

Harvey nods. "Pathetic, right? People pay me a thousand dollars an hour to fix their problems. And then I have to go find someone to fix mine."

"I do not find it to be pathetic at all. In a similar way, many therapists have their own therapists. It can be quite a heavy burden, listening to the problems of others all day and then having to face our own. It is natural to seek a solution from outside ourselves."

"Well_…_are you offering one?" He recalls Scottie's words with a sigh. '_Did you…fix yourself?' _He wishes more than anything that one day, he won't feel any hesitation in answering that question.

"Harvey, I am going to make a suggestion that I want you to consider carefully. It may seem slightly upsetting at first. Are you familiar with the concept of transference?"

"No."

"In short, it happens when a patient inappropriately transfers feelings for someone else onto his therapist."

"That's insane."

"On the contrary, it is really quite common and a rather natural consequence of working through your feelings with the help of another person."

Panic starts to rise in his chest. "What are you saying?"

"I am suggesting that perhaps what you thought you felt for Paula was in fact derived from feelings you had for another woman in your life."

The accusation hangs in the air and he feels as though he's slowly being backed into a corner with no escape. Although deep down Stan's words don't sound crazy at all, he feels the need to fight back and defend himself. "What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean? You're crazy. If that's what you think, you don't know anything! You don't know what our relationship was like, or how I felt about her—"

"I am not trying to dismiss your feelings Harvey, I am only aiming to help you understand them."

At a loss for words, his mind swims with a thousand rude things he wants to say to the so-called doctor in front of him. He thinks better of it and stays silent.

"Harvey, I suggest we end here for the day. I have certainly given you a great deal to think about. I would like to see you again next week, if you are willing to discuss this further."

He's slowly starting to question everything, wondering if he's gone mad. A jumble of confusing images and memories swim through his mind, faces all a blur.

_She, _asking him what he would say to _her_, if _she_ was _her_.

_Her, _in his office, asking for more. Him, asking if _she'll _have dinner with him, because he's ready to share his life with someone.

Him, telling her _she_'s the person who helped him make peace with his mother, not _her_.

_Her_ keys sitting on his desk. _Her_ kissing him. Him asking if _she_'ll move in with him.

Harvey's not sure how long he's been sitting there lost in his thoughts when he realizes Stan's eyes are fixed on him, watching inwtently. He feels uncomfortably exposed. He gets up slowly and heads for the door. Pausing with his hand on the door handle, he looks back. "Stan…am I a lost cause?"

Dr Lipschitz smiles. "On the contrary Harvey, I think you just might be on the cusp of a breakthrough."

* * *

**Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this! I have a few more ideas for chapters, I'd like to see Donna and Dr Lipschitz together and maybe Harvey post 8x16 trying to learn how to communicate better in his relationship with Donna. Let me know if you have any ideas :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for your reviews and encouragement! You motivated me to keep going with this story :) This time it's Donna's turn for a dose of Dr. Lipschitz. This chapter is set during episode 8x14.**

* * *

_What do you say, you help me figure out a way to convince Stan to let me take his case._

She's pondering Louis' words back in her office when she realizes that the best way to make that happen is to do what she usually does, and use her powers of persuasion in person. So, an hour later, Donna finds herself talking her way past Dr. Lipschitz' helpless assistant, commandeering his next appointment, and knocking on his office door.

"Come in." She enters and sees the doctor sitting at his desk, looking surprised to see her. "You are not my next patient," he smiles.

"Well, you're right about that. I'm Donna Paulsen, from Zane Specter Litt. It's nice to meet you, Dr. Lipschitz." She walks over to him and offers her hand. "I've heard a lot of wonderful things about you from Louis and Harvey."

"Likewise," he says, giving her a warm handshake and another smile. She likes him already.

"Is that so," she teases. "Harvey too? I thought he came to you to talk about his relationship with Louis."

"I cannot discuss the topic of our conversations."

"Conversations? As in…more than one?"

He shakes his head but a hint of smile crosses his lips. "I cannot comment on that either."

"But you just did," she says, pleased with herself. "Well, I'm happy he's seeing you. He needed a new therapist. And between you and me, I'm _really_ glad that you're a man," she says playfully. She's testing him, she knows, but she enjoys pushing up against the boundaries of confidentiality. After all, secrets can be revealed without any words at all. And by the way the doctor smiles and says nothing, seemingly unperturbed by her remark, she can tell he knows exactly what she meant. The thought that Harvey told him about Paula intrigues her. She pushes it out of her mind to focus on the reason she came. "I was wondering if you have a few minutes to discuss your case?"

"Of course, Donna. Please sit down."

She takes a seat in the chair opposite him. "I want to talk to you about Louis representing you."

"I suspected you were here for that reason," he says thoughtfully. "I have discussed my concerns on the matter with Louis. I'm afraid I don't think it's a good idea."

"I understand that, but I think I can change your mind."

He looks intrigued by her boldness. "You know Louis' character well. Would you let him represent you?"

"What?"

"I mean, if you were in a similar situation?"

"Five years ago, probably not," she answers honestly. "Today? Absolutely. Louis is one of the most caring, dependable people I know. And I think he probably has you to thank for that."

He looks touched. "That is very kind of you to say."

"Actually, I have been in a…somewhat similar situation." She hadn't planned on getting this personal, but for some reason she feels comfortable with him. Her admission seems to have captured his attention and he's regarding her intently. She struggles to find the right words to make her case. "The truth is…" She starts slowly. "Having a lawyer who cared about me, and was willing to go to the ends of the earth to protect me, was the only thing that got me through it. And when you…put your life in someone's hands, and you know that they value it as much as their own, that's all you can hope for in a circumstance like this," she says earnestly.

He looks at her with compassion. "Donna, I appreciate you sharing your experience with me," he says warmly. "It is very meaningful when advice comes from such a personal place. I will think about it."

"Thank you Dr. Lipschitz, I appreciate it. That's all I can ask." She hesitates, reluctant to end their conversation. "Do you think I could come back and see you sometime?"

"As a patient?"

"Yes."

"Donna, it would be my pleasure to work with you. However, we can do that only if Louis and Harvey are accepting of the situation."

"I have to ask Harvey?" She says hesitantly. She's suddenly regretting the idea.

"And Louis, yes. Or I can ask them, if you prefer. Just as you have conflicts of interest in legal matters, it is the same in my profession. A therapist treating three colleagues on an individual basis is quite unusual."

"But wouldn't it just make things easier, since you know so much about…our firm…already?"

"In some ways, yes, but it can also make it difficult to address your needs in a neutral and unbiased manner, while respecting the confidentiality of my other clients."

"I understand." Although she's frustrated by this development, she appreciates his dedication to the ethics of his practice. "I'll talk to them. Thank you, Dr Lipschitz."

He smiles. "Please, call me Stan."

* * *

Later that afternoon, she's back at the firm catching up on a mountain of paperwork when Louis comes into her office to tell her excitedly that Stan has agreed to let him take his case.

She smiles, satisfied that her visit worked as intended. "I'm happy for you, Louis. I think this will be good for both of you."

"Thank you, Donna. I know you helped Stan change his mind, and I really appreciate it."

"Don't mention it, Louis. I was just doing my job. By the way, while you're here…" She trails off.

"What is it, Donna? Anything you need."

"I was wondering about…making an appointment with Stan. He said to take me on as a patient, I'd need to get permission from you and Harvey to waive the conflict of interest."

"Donna, I think that's great," Louis says sincerely. "You know more than anyone how I wouldn't be the man I am today if it weren't for Stan. Whatever you need help with, he's your guy."

"Thanks, Louis." She smiles gratefully.

She doesn't see Harvey for the rest of the day and a part of her knows she's hoping to avoid having this conversation with him at all. But she's been feeling more and more unsettled recently despite things going so well with Thomas, and she thinks that talking to someone about it, someone who makes her feel at ease like Dr. Lipschitz did, could be exactly what she needs.

After finishing up her work for the evening she finally steels herself and walks over to his office, pausing at the door when she sees him deep in concentration with a stack of files.

He senses her presence and looks up. "Donna, what is it?"

"How are things going with Samantha and Scottie?" She stalls.

"I'll figure it out," he says ambiguously. "What do you need?"

She can tell he's not in the mood for a long chat. "Did you hear about Dr. Lipschitz' lawsuit?"

"Yeah, Louis told me. What about it?"

"I went to his office today…to talk about Louis representing him. He seems like…a really wonderful man."

Harvey looks up but says nothing, so she takes a deep breath and carries on. "If it's OK with you, I'd like to start seeing him. As a patient," she adds quickly, thinking how ridiculous it is that she feels the need to specify. The memory of Harvey in her office, saying the words "…_and not as my therapist_" haunts her to this day.

He stares at her. "What…why do you…" He stops himself. "I mean, why him?"

"I don't know exactly, I just felt...calm around him. I can see why Louis likes him so much."

"And why are you asking me?"

"He said I needed to get your permission to waive conflict of interest."

"Oh." He looks uncomfortable. "Well, apparently I don't exactly have the best judgement when it comes to appropriate therapist-patient relationships, so if you think it's a good idea then go ahead."

She stares at him, momentarily lost for words. Had he just admitted that dating Paula had been a mistake? Had Stan helped him realize that? He's looking right into her eyes and holding her gaze and she feels unnerved by his candour. "Right…well…thank you, Harvey. Have a good night."

"Good night, Donna."

* * *

"Donna, it's nice to see you again."

"You too, Stan." She settles into the grey couch and idly wonders how recently Harvey had sat in the exact same spot.

"So, Donna, to start, I'd like to get to know you a bit better. What are you looking to achieve from our sessions?"

"I guess I'm just…looking for a bit of help in figuring out what I want out of life. And maybe how to cope with the feeling that something's...missing."

"I see. And if I were to ask you this question – what is missing from your life? – right now, what would you say?"

She's silent for a few moments. "I'm not sure. I guess I thought it was a more rewarding career, but now I have that and I still feel…unsatisfied."

"Well, it is natural to search for a new objective, once we achieve something we have been working toward."

"I guess it's just a bit hard to adjust to that frame of mind when I spent so many years not thinking that way. I wasn't really driven by...personal goals."

"And why was that?"

"Well, for a long time I was just…working for Harvey and I didn't really…spend a lot of time thinking about myself." It sounds pathetic, even to her.

"Harvey was a very demanding boss?"

She thinks back to her years on Harvey's desk. How she'd given up on even having a semblance of a social life outside work after years of long evenings, urgent phone calls, and the pressure of constant expectations of perfection. But had those been Harvey's expectations for her, or her own? "It was more that I…demanded a lot of myself…for him. His happiness, his success – it was sort of how I judged my own life."

"And now you are wishing to focus more on your own goals?"

"I guess so. Yes."

He takes a moment to consider this, then says, "Was that the same reason you decided to stop working for him several years ago?"

She's caught off guard by the question. She wonders how much of this story he's already heard from Harvey. She's suddenly curious about how he would tell it. "Not really…that was more…personal."

"In what way?"

She sighs. "I…thought we were getting to the point of being…_more_ than just boss and secretary. But then I just had to force myself to accept that...he's not capable of expressing those kinds of feelings. Or to me, anyway. I—" A flicker of surprise flashes across Stan's face and she stops abruptly. "What? Why do you look surprised?"

"No, please continue, Donna."

She's always been able to read people's faces and Stan is no exception. "He talked about this, didn't he?"

"I'm very sorry, but as you know I can't divulge information about other patients' sessions."

It's torturing her to know that the man in front of her holds the key to Harvey's thoughts, just out of reach. Unlike the key to his apartment, this was one that he'd never given her. "_Fine_. But you just did! I said he hadn't been able to express his feelings for me, and you looked surprised. So he can tell you how he feels, but not me? Well, that's helpful," she says sarcastically.

"I am so sorry, Donna, I think this may have been a mistake. Forgive me, I should have insisted on referring you to another therapist. I can see this has upset you."

"It's only upset me because you know things about him that you won't tell me—"

"Donna, it is not up to me to share Harvey's thoughts with you. You understood when we agreed to work together that I would not be able to do that. If you feel that the two of you are not being honest with each other, the best solution is to talk to him about it."

Her frustration grows. "Oh yeah, and how would that go? '_Hey Harvey, why don't you tell me how you feel about me? Nothing to say? Great, that went well',_" she says sarcastically.

"You two have quite a complicated history. I understand it can be difficult to communicate effectively in these situations."

She scoffs. "Complicated doesn't begin to cover it. You need a degree in quantum theory to understand what goes on in that man's mind."

Stan looks thoughtful. "I think people's motivations are sometimes more simple than they appear."

"What does _that_ mean?" She's not in the mood for a philosophical discussion.

"Well, Donna, I can tell you are a very perceptive and empathetic person. When Harvey does something that confuses you, do you try to interpret the underlying reasons that might cause him to act this way?"

"Why is it always my job to figure out what he really means and needs and wants? What about his responsibility to communicate like a normal human being?" She snaps. Feeling guilty, she exhales slowly and tries to calm the anxiety rushing through her.

"I did not mean to suggest that it was. I was only meaning to say that people are not wholly irrational and often have reasons for their actions that allow us to perceive their true feelings, even if they are not entirely open about them."

Donna feels like Stan is trying to cryptically tell her something but she's had enough of trying to decipher vague statements and half truths about how Harvey feels about her. "Well, maybe I'm tired of having to perceive people's feelings. Maybe it's nice to hear them out loud for a change, from someone who's not afraid to clearly say how he feels."

"I can understand how that would be comforting." He pauses. "Is there anyone in particular you are thinking of?"

"I'm…seeing someone. It hasn't been very long, but he tells me how he feels about me, and it's just so…_easy_. And uncomplicated."

"That can certainly be a sign of a very healthy relationship. It is wonderful that this man is so open about his feelings for you. And how do you feel about him?"

"Thomas is…caring, and mature, and kind." She knows the words sound bland and generic, and feels the need to try and express just how rare it is to have nothing to complain about. "He just…ticks every box, you know?"

"I am happy for you Donna. You deserve that. And can you picture yourself building a future with Thomas? Perhaps a family? Would that make you happy?"

She's never really gotten to the point of considering marriage and family with anyone, and the thought makes her uncomfortable for some reason. "I guess that's…the reason I'm here. To figure that out."

"And what do you think might be holding you back from knowing the answer to this question?"

"What do you mean?" She says slowly.

"I mean, if Thomas is everything you have been looking for, and you are ready to share your life with someone in that way, can you see any reasons that you might not be certain about whether he can make you happy?"

"Well…you're the expert, what do you think?" She's not sure where he's going with this, and after all, isn't he the one who's supposed to have the answers?

"Donna, if you really wish to know my opinion, my sense is that you are not entirely sure about committing to your new relationship. And maybe together we can uncover the reasons for that."

"But that's normal, isn't it? To be scared to commit. But I want to. More than anything, I want to be able to do that."

"And that is very admirable. But it is very difficult to force ourselves to feel something that does not come naturally."

She's hurt by Stan's insinuation. "Are you saying there's something wrong with me?" she says in a pained voice. "You don't think I'm capable of committing to someone?"

"I am not saying that at all. Rather, I was referring to the fact that in our session today, in which we have been having a conversation about what is missing from your life, and what happiness would mean to you, we spent a majority of it discussing Harvey, and not your relationship."

She feels blindsided by him turning this against her, just as she'd been at that fateful dinner with Mark so many years ago. _I'm not talking about Harvey. I'm talking about my life!_ Was there really any difference then? And now? Why was it so hard to separate the two? "That's not fair, you're the one asking the questions! I didn't choose to—"

"Donna, it was not meant to be an accusation. You in fact asked me for my opinion, and I was merely seeking to respond truthfully in a way that would give you something to think about."

She stands up abruptly. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…I think…I've had enough for today."

"That is quite all right, Donna. These are challenging discussions and it is understandable that they can be draining on our emotions. Before our next session, if you are willing to come back, I would like you to spend some time on your own thinking about the happiest moments in your life. What was the situation? Who were you with? What choices could you make today to experience that type of feeling again?"

She nods and picks up her bag, heading for the door. She's hit by a sudden wave of embarrassment. "Thank you, Stan. I'm sorry I…overreacted. I know you're probably thinking that for someone who acts like they have it all figured out, I'm actually pretty messed up."

"You are very welcome, Donna. There is no need to apologize. And please, do not be so hard on yourself. Keep in mind that sometimes, admitting to ourselves that we do not have everything figured out can be the hardest step of all."

* * *

**Thank for you reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. My idea for the next one is to have Harvey come back after the elevator scene, and maybe talk about what Scottie said in that mysterious phone call. And then carry the story forward into the post-canon Darvey world with some couples counselling...stay tuned :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**I am so touched by the response to this story...I truly appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read, follow or review! This chapter takes place near the start of episode 8x15, the morning after the elevator scene. Featuring a cameo appearance from our new Darvey hero, Scottie :)**

* * *

"So, Harvey, I am very pleased to see you again. I appreciate the way you are embracing our sessions, despite the initial reluctance you had."

"To tell you the truth, I wasn't really planning on making another appointment, but…it's been a hell of a week." He's exhausted already and it's only 9 o'clock. Why on earth had he agreed to an 8 am meeting?

"Why don't you tell me about it."

"Well, to start with, how about the fact that my ex-girlfriend showed up out of the blue after doing some shady shit, and I had to throw my own partner under the bus to keep her out of prison."

Stan raises his eyebrows. "That certainly sounds like quite a stressful situation."

"Yeah, you could say that."

"I think it is very admirable that you were willing to go to such lengths to help her, despite the fact that she is not in your life anymore."

He doesn't deserve the praise and he knows it. "I…wasn't even going to help her. Donna convinced me to."

"And how did she do that?"

"I guess she just helped me see that…winning this case would have actually felt like losing." He can't even count the number of times Donna has saved his ass from doing shit he'd regret. He remembers how he'd phrased it one time _— '__That doesn't make me a good man…that makes you a good man for me.' _It was true again, and probably always would be.

"I am sure this woman was very grateful for your help."

"Yeah. She actually…called after it was all over to thank me." Well, thank me and chastise me in one go, he thinks. A true Scottie special.

"It sounds as though the two of you have a very amicable relationship."

He feels a hint of amusement at Stan's assertion. "That's one way to describe it. But yeah…we have our moments. We were…on and off for a long time."

"I see. And you eventually decided that you were better off as friends?"

Friends? No. With Scottie it had always been lovers or nothing. "To tell you the truth, back then I just wasn't ready to be in a serious relationship. With anyone."

"And do you think you are now?"

"I mean, as ready as I'll ever be, I guess…" His mind starts drifting to his conversation with Scottie and the uncomfortable truths she had left him with last night.

* * *

_"Harvey…I wanted to let you know that from now on I'm going to keep my distance. From the firm…from you."_

_The pain in her voice triggers a rush of guilt to his chest. "Scottie, you don't need to do that. I know we've both said some things we regret, but…"_

"_Yes, I do. I need to do this for myself, to let go of the possibility of us ever being…"_

_"Scottie…" He says in a low voice. It's a warning, an apology, and a plea, all in one word._

_"You don't need to say anything, Harvey. I've made my peace with it. With us."_

_He really doesn't want to prolong this conversation, because he sees no point in opening old wounds. But he needs to know. "Scottie, was it all_…_my fault? Why things fell apart?"_

_"No, Harvey. I think maybe it just seemed_…_too good to be true, so I kept pushing you away just to see how many times you'd come after me before giving up. And I got my answer."_

_Now he feels like shit. Why does he always manage to hurt the people he cares about? "You think if we could go back to the start, and do it all over again, we could make it work?"_

_"Maybe you should be asking someone else that question."_

_"What? Who are you—" _

_"You know exactly who I mean, Harvey."_

_He rolls his eyes, frustrated with the sudden change in topic. Why'd she have to bring Donna into it? Why do people always do that? Why can't they just leave it alone? "If you're blaming Donna for the fact that we didn't last, I've heard that one before and I'm not interested—" _

_"Harvey." She cuts him off in an impassioned voice. "It's time for you to accept that Donna isn't a complication in your relationships. Your relationships are the complication preventing you from accepting that the person you really want a future with_…_is Donna."_

* * *

"Harvey?"

Stan jolts him out of his reverie. It takes him a second to recall where he is. "You have not said anything in several minutes. Would you like to let me in on your thoughts?"

"Oh…what was the question?" He says wearily.

"We were talking about whether you feel ready for a serious relationship. And then I asked whether you had given any thought to what we discussed at your last appointment."

"Which part?" He asks, although he's pretty sure he can guess the answer to that.

"In particular, the ideas we were exploring at the end of the session."

He looks down, avoiding Stan's unrelenting gaze. "I guess, yeah, looking back…you're right. It's pretty goddamn messed up to date your therapist."

"And do you think you understand what led you to make that choice?"

He hesitates. "I think I...got mixed up in thinking that someone who helps you solve your problems because it's their job could be a substitute for someone who would do that without getting anything in return. Because they…care about you."

Stan smiles. "I am very happy to hear you say that, Harvey. That is a very thoughtful response to a difficult issue."

"Well, you sure gave me a lot to think about," he says grudgingly.

"I am glad. That is exactly the purpose of what we are doing here."

He doesn't know what to say next and wants to avoid having to talk about Paula again. His thoughts wander to his conversation with Donna the other day. "So…you're seeing Donna," he says, attempting to keep his voice neutral.

"You understand, Harvey, that I cannot discuss any details of my other client relationships."

"Right. I know." He pauses. "Is she…okay, though? I mean, I never really thought of her as someone who needed help with this kind of…stuff. I guess I was just worried that there was something going on with her. She's seemed kind of…on edge lately."

Stan smiles gently. "Did you think to ask her if there was anything bothering her?"

He feels sheepish. Why did everything sound so simple when Stan said it? "No…I mean…I was going to talk to her last night…but then I saw…" he trails off, ambiguously.

When he says nothing for a few moments, Stan prods gently. "What is it, Harvey?"

"She's…seeing someone. A client. I was going to ask her to get a drink, but she left. With him."

"And how did you feel, seeing that?"

"I guess I find it a bit ironic that she claimed to never date men she works with but seems to keep picking up at the office," he says, trying to sound disinterested but unable to keep a hint of resentment from his voice.

"I understand it can be frustrating when someone's actions seem to contradict their words." Stan looks thoughtful. "What were the circumstances in which she said that?"

"It was a long time ago. When we worked together at the DA's office."

"I see. And was she…referring to anyone in particular?"

He can tell that Stan already knows the answer to that question, and finds his indirectness irritating. "What do you think?"

Stan smiles. "Well, I suspect that it was directed at you."

"Bingo."

"And what...prompted her to say it?"

He doesn't think he could ever forget that conversation.

_"You're afraid you'd fall for me."_

_"Oh, please. If anybody's falling for anybody, it would be you for me."_

_"Sounds like a challenge."_

_"One _you _are never going to get to take."_

"Harvey?" Stan prompts.

"I was just…joking around about us seeing each other."

"And did you mean for her to take you seriously?"

Had he? Sure, he'd hoped she would, but then he'd been too much of a pussy to ask her out properly. "Not really…I mean…I guess I just wanted to see her reaction."

"And yet you seem to have taken her quite seriously."

He's thrown by Stan's comment. "What do you mean? Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, people are not set in stone, Harvey. Circumstances change. Feelings change."

Feeling annoyed at the implication that he'd somehow misinterpreted her comment, his voice starts to rise. "I was respecting what _she_ wanted! She said to put it out of our minds and never mention it again!"

Stan looks unbothered by his outburst. How did he always manage to stay so frustratingly calm? "What was it exactly that she wanted to put out of your minds?"

He freezes. He's not sure why but he hadn't planned on letting Stan in on that part of their story. Maybe it just made it seem all the more pathetic, that he'd known exactly how he wanted her that day and had somehow managed to spend thirteen years trying to forget.

"Our…the idea of…being together…in that way." He stammers.

"So, I take it that the two of you chose to focus on developing a professional relationship."

"Yeah. I guess in a way it was…probably a good decision. Back then I was pretty much a…dick to women and I probably would have driven her away."

"It is very commendable that you have succeeded in maintaining such a positive working relationship for so many years, despite the complicated feelings involved. It indicates a great deal of respect for each other."

"I mean, I haven't always been…I used to get…jealous when she was with other guys. I thought it was because her job was to take care of me, and whenever she was off with someone I felt like her focus wasn't where I wanted it to be." He's ashamed to admit it, but it still feels good to say it out loud. Every truth that escapes his lips feels like it's slowly releasing a decade's worth of restraint. "I wanted to know she would always be there for me, whenever I needed her."

Stan's giving him that look again, the one that feels like pity but damn it, he doesn't care. He deserves it.

"Harvey, forgive me, but…this sounds a description of a spouse, not a secretary."

"I know." His voice cracks. "I know that now."

Stan observes him quietly for several moments. "Harvey, I am proud of you. You have made a great deal of progress by accepting your true feelings."

"Progress to what? She's with Kessler now. For all I know, she's…in love with him." It hurts to say the words. He realizes he has no idea how long it's been, and the thought unsettles him. Had she been with him when they'd gone out for drinks after Louis became managing partner, and he hadn't been able to stop his hand from grazing the small of her back all night? "She didn't even tell me."

"Perhaps it is still very new."

"Yeah…maybe." He tries to remember how they interacted with each other, but all he can remember is the look on her face when she wished him goodnight. There's something else bothering him. "For some reason I didn't even feel...jealous of him. And I should have been. I mean, he's a goddamn CEO…tall…charming…he can give her everything she deserves."

"Well, it takes some time, but when you truly love someone, you may reach a point where you want them to be happy, even if that happiness does not come from being with you. That is when love overcomes jealousy, and you can reach acceptance."

"You're telling me I'm happy she's with another guy right now?" He says incredulously.

"I am saying that her happiness means more to you than your own. And that is a beautiful thing, Harvey."

"Yeah, well, a fat load of good it's doing me," he says dejectedly. "Now I just get to watch her move on because it took me too damn long to get my shit together."

"Harvey, we all come to realize things in our own time. You said yourself the timing would not have been right when you first met. I would not blame yourself for this."

"Thanks, Stan." He sighs when he remembers what's waiting for him back at the office. Of all the fucking furniture companies in the world, it just had to be his. "I should get back to the firm." He drags himself off the couch, thinking that's the last place he wants to go right now. He could use a drink. Or ten.

"Before you go, Harvey…keep this in mind. There is no such thing as the perfect time. Often when we wish for such a thing, we are merely making excuses to put off an action that we are afraid of failing at."

"Well, maybe sometimes the consequences of failing are impossible to accept." The words tumble out of his mouth before he even realizes what he's saying.

Stan smiles. "I would not worry about that. From what I know of you, Harvey, once you put your mind to something, you do not often fail."

* * *

**Thank you again for reading! Hope you liked this installment. We're getting there...denial is the name of the game with these two! My plan for the next chapter is for Donna to call Lipschitz while everyone else is at the hearing. Let me know if you have any thoughts or suggestions :)**


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thank you to every one who has stuck with this story, and I appreciate all your comments and suggestions! This was a really tough chapter to write...I hope I have done it justice. Set during Harvey's hearing in episode 8x16.

* * *

**_When the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone, but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?_**

**_Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try  
To fix you_**

* * *

Thomas' words had tormented her since he'd left her apartment that morning.

_"Who are you to him?"_

Donna has a lot of answers to that question.

She's…the person he'd never let anything happen to. The person he calls, at six o'clock in the morning or at midnight, when he needs someone. The person he could never fire. The person his brother calls, if he really needs to reach him. The person who's one of the most amazing women he's ever met, but that_ doesn't mean_…

It _doesn't mean_, because she isn't his_ person_.

And yet…

_"He was about to lay himself down on the train tracks for you."_

Because he needs her, she thinks. He always has. "_I can't be _me_, without_ you." Needs her to keep his life together, and keep the firm together, and keep his fear of abandonment at bay.

_"Look, I need you."  
"Need?"  
"Need."_

Yes, Harvey needed her. In all the ways except the way she needed him—with her body, her heart and her soul. Hers was a need so inescapable that sometimes she had closed her eyes while other men made love to her, so she could imagine it was him. It had always been the easiest way of finding release. Someday, she'd always thought, she would meet another man she'd feel that way about.

And then Thomas came along. And she had thought, maybe this could be it.

But he had ended up just like all the ones before. Not Harvey. Not her_ person_.

Thomas had left her this morning without any anger or blame for the things she'd told him, and that only made her feel worse. _"Donna, I don't want to waste my time here. But I also don't want to make any rash decisions while you're already going through something so difficult. So why don't you give me a call once this is all over and you've had a chance to think about what you want."_

But she wouldn't ever have – couldn't ever have – what she wanted. It was a cruel fate in life, to love a man who will never love you the way you need him to, but she accepts it now. The timing just made it all the more cruel...on the day she'd admitted that she would never be able to cut him out of her, her reckless attempt to do so was going to leave a scar on her heart that would never heal.

She had pushed him to promote her. She had pushed him to share feelings he didn't have. And now she had finally pushed too far. Done something that would push him away from her, maybe for good.

She wonders, deep down, if it had all been too much responsibility, too fast. What was she thinking, acting like she deserved to be a COO? No other law firm would have trusted her with that position. But he had shown faith in her, and given her the chance to show she could live up to it. And now she hadn't been able to do the same for him. The look on his face when he'd said she lost faith in him...it haunted her. Even if it takes the rest of her life, she thinks, she just _needs_ to know that some day she can make up for the pain she caused him.

Her thoughts are becoming too bleak and painful and she needs to escape the darkness of her own mind. She forces herself off the couch and goes to find her phone, having avoided it all afternoon. Two missed calls from Harvey, and one each from Louis and Alex. Seeing the time, she realizes with a start that the hearing must be over. She knows she should call them back—she owes them that, seeing as she's the cause of this mess, but she needs to get herself into a better state of mind before she can take the news. She calls Rachel. _No answer._ Mike. _No answer._ Mom. _No answer._ Growing desperate, she sees another name in her contact list and hesitates. After the way their last conversation ended, she isn't exactly sure if he would make her feel better or worse. But at this point, _could_ it be any worse?

She dials and holds her breath, half hoping that he won't pick up. One…two…three rings…she'll give up after four…and then…"Donna, this is a surprise. What can I do for you?"

"Stan…hi…yes, it's Donna Paulsen. I know that I…don't have an appointment but I just…needed to talk to someone and everyone's at the hearing and…" She stumbles anxiously over the words.

"Donna, it's quite alright. I have a few minutes before my next patient. What is this hearing you mention?"

"It's an ethics hearing for Harvey and he might lose his license and…it's all my fault," she says, her voice breaking with emotion as tears start to well in her eyes.

"I see…I am very sorry to hear that Harvey is in trouble. And if you don't mind me asking, why aren't you there too?"

"I should be…they summoned me to testify but I just couldn't…watch it happen…" And because she had never held up on the stand, and she wouldn't have been able to stop herself from doing something, anything to try and fix it. And just like the last time she'd tried to do that, she would probably only make it worse.

"Well, I cannot say that I agree with your decision to ignore a summons, Donna, but I would like to understand it. Why don't you tell me what happened."

So she tells him everything, about Thomas' deal, and Harvey's client, and her terrible mistake.

There's a long pause when she's finished. She's screwed up so badly, she thinks, that apparently even a therapist can't find the words to tell her it's all going to be okay.

"This is a very difficult situation, Donna. I cannot pretend that there are any easy answers here. But talking through it may help. Why don't you tell me what was going through your mind when you made this decision?"

Alex's words ring in her head. _You told him because you love him_. "I think I was determined to show…that I _could_ commit to Thomas. That he was my future. But you were right, Stan…there's no future for me with Thomas…or anyone else…" Her face is streaming with tears now but she makes no attempt to wipe them away. It would be a futile endeavor, just like her effort to move on.

"Donna, please listen to me. I was not meaning to suggest that to you at all. I am so sorry if you felt that was my intention."

"No, don't be sorry…I needed to hear it. Maybe if I'd listened then, none of this would have happened…"

"I would say that dwelling on things we cannot change is unlikely to help us cope with decisions we regret. It is more productive to focus on steps we can take to make amends to the people we have hurt. Have you talked to Harvey about all of this?"

"I went to talk to him last night…but then he…he found out about the hearing and…" The sight of him so desperate and broken, hurling his glass against the wall, was etched into her memory in excruciating detail. It may have been the glass shattering into a thousand pieces, but it had felt like her heart. "Stan, he's going to hate me…forever…"

"I am sure he knows that you did not mean to hurt him." He pauses. "Donna, you once gave me very meaningful advice from your personal experience. And now I would like to share some with you. When my client was suing me for malpractice, I asked myself – if it was my fault, how could I live with myself? I had violated my vow to do no harm. This man had lost his job, and perhaps his reputation, because of me. These were very similar feelings to the ones you are having now."

"Is this supposed to make me feel _better_?" She says desperately.

"Yes. I am getting to the point now. Louis helped me see the larger picture – my overall impact on Craig. Did one mistake undo that? What would his life be like if I had never met him? Perhaps he would have done even worse than this, and accidentally hurt more people, had I not been helping him along the way. We cannot judge our worth by a single action, but rather by the total value our lives have to the people around us. And I know only two people in your life, Donna, but you mean a great deal to both of them."

She's silent for a few moments, considering his words. "I know that I've been there for him…for a long time…I hope one mistake doesn't cancel all of that out, but what if…he doesn't see it that way?"

"I believe Harvey will forgive you," he says gently.

"Maybe if he gets cleared…or if he only gets suspended…but if he gets disbarred, how could I _ever_ ask that of him? This isn't something that you can come back from. If he loses his license, and the firm, I've taken everything from him." And then a horrifying thought enters her mind, and she feels as though all the air has been sucked out of her chest. _If he never returned to the firm__…__and he couldn't get past what she had done…_

_She might never see him again._ And the possibility is so agonizing that she has to push it away, because she feels like she's drowning and there's nothing she can do to hold back the waves from crashing over her.

"Donna, let me be more clear…I believe he will forgive you, no matter what happens today."

"But if _I'm_ the reason he loses everything, how could he ever forget that? Why would he want anything to do with me?"

"Well, keep in mind that people who are so deeply in love often do not take the most rational course of action."

She hasn't slept in two days and her emotions are frayed to the breaking point, and she's sure she's started imagining things. "What…did you just…say?"

"Hmmm?" Stan replies absent-mindedly.

"You just said…in love…" She stutters, her voice half confusion and half wonderment.

"So I did." He sounds almost amused. "In the interest of avoiding an ethics hearing of my own, let me say that I was most certainly referring to you."

She attempt to speak but the only sound that comes out is a cross between a laugh and a sob.

"Donna, I am so sorry, but my next patient has just arrived. Please come in for a session when you can. I will be thinking of you and hoping that everything turns out well."

She hangs up the phone, lost in a momentary daze. But she's rudely jolted back to reality seconds later by loud knocking on her door. Jumping off the couch as though she's been shot, all of her worst fears come suddenly rushing back. In the end, she had avoided the truth for too long, and now, someone had come to force her to accept it.

She whips open the door, and it's _him_, and she's terrified that he's about to tell her everything is lost. But then she sees the look on his face, and she understands the only truth that matters right now, one that's been there all along. She asks the question with her eyes, and he answers it with his lips on hers.

_"Need?"  
"Need."_


	5. Chapter 5

It had been three nights since he had knocked on her door, and Harvey was finally starting to believe it was real.

This morning he finds himself lying in bed admiring her sleeping form, the gentle rise and fall of her chest filling him with a unfamiliar sense of security and comfort. It wasn't a surprise that they had spent the majority of their time together in bed—a beautiful combination of the most restful, unbothered sleep he'd ever had, and hours of forgoing sleep entirely in their attempt to make up for lost time. As he watches her he feels the urge to reach out and pull her closer into his chest, but he wants to let her get some rest. So, to avoid the temptation he carefully gets up without disturbing her and heads for the kitchen.

He glances at his phone notifications, sighing at the mountain of Monday morning work emails waiting for him. He realizes he can't remember the last time he went an entire weekend without working. And what a weekend to do it—when the firm's survival had been jeopardized yet again, by his actions. But it had been impossible, and irrelevant, to spend the last two days doing anything other than reacquainting themselves with every inch of each others' bodies and reveling in every emotion and feeling they'd been holding back for thirteen years.

They had told Mike, and Rachel of course, and Louis, but there was one more person he wanted to share his happiness with. Someone who had said everything he needed to hear, and maybe everything she needed to hear too.

It's early, but he's pretty sure he remembers Louis having appointments before work, so he decides it's worth a shot. The call goes straight to voicemail. "Stan…it's Harvey Specter. I've got some good news that I wanted to share with you…give me a call when you get a chance."

He makes them coffee and thinks that she could probably use some food after the exertion of the previous night. He looks despairingly at his empty fridge of condiments and takeout boxes and takes out his phone again. "Hey, Ray, it's me. Yeah, I'll be ready in…half an hour." He spies movement in the bedroom and sees Donna stirring. She rolls over and the white sheet slips off her shoulder, exposing an expanse of freckled skin. Tearing his eyes away, he tries unsuccessfully to focus on his conversation. "Actually…make it an hour. Could you stop by Dominique Ansel on your way?…Yeah…thanks, man. See you soon."

He's about to make a beeline for the bedroom when his phone rings. He's momentarily annoyed by the interruption, until he sees that it's Stan.

"Harvey, I am glad you called. I have been worried about you."

"Oh…really?"

"I was aware of some details of your recent…difficulties. I hope that everything has been resolved?"

"Well…unfortunately my partner had to retire to make it happen, but yeah," he says with a twinge of guilt, "I'm in the clear."

"I am sorry that it came at such a high cost, but I am very relieved to hear that, Harvey." Stan pauses. "Is this the good news you wanted to share?"

"No, it wasn't that…I, uh…we…" For some reason he has trouble finding the right words, but just like three nights ago, it seems no words are needed.

"Congratulations, Harvey, I am very happy for you both," he says warmly.

"Thanks, Stan. I guess it's not really great timing with everything that happened, but…I just couldn't wait any longer once I knew…" Knew he couldn't sit by and wait to find out if another man could make her happy. Knew he wanted something more too—and that _more_ meant _her_.

"Sometimes, Harvey, the truest of our feelings are exposed during times of great hardship. And I suspect this might be the case for you."

"Stan, I just wanted to say…I don't know how to…"

"I know, Harvey. And you are very welcome. But you do not need to thank me—this is my job, and it is all the thanks I need to know that I have helped in some way to bring happiness to your life."

"I guess I…probably won't be seeing you anymore," Harvey hesitates. After all, what would they talk about, now that he felt as though every weight on his chest had been lifted?

"Well, I am sure we will see each other again at the wedding," Stan says cheerfully.

Harvey chokes on a swig of coffee. "Don't you think it's a bit…soon?"

"I was referring to Louis and Sheila's wedding, of course," he says, amused. "But I assure you I have plenty of space in my calendar, should any other invitations suddenly arise. In all seriousness, Harvey, I do not think you should give up on our sessions just yet. You may find that keeping a relationship together is even more challenging than starting it. This is where the hard work really begins."

"If that's true for us, we haven't got a shot in hell," he jokes, but he feels slightly unsettled. With his track record…can he really make this work? Does he even know how to make a woman happy, other than in the bedroom?

"I would invite you to think about coming in together," Stan suggests. "You have started your relationship in very difficult circumstances, and I think we could work on making sure that it does not affect the long-term success of your partnership."

"OK, Stan, I'll ask her," he says, wondering how he'd even begin to broach the subject. "And thanks…again." He hangs up and finally heads back to the bedroom with her mug of vanilla-scented coffee.

She's awake now, and she yawns and smiles up at him sleepily when she sees him come in. "Was someone on the phone?" she murmurs.

"Good morning to you, too," he jokes, leaning down to kiss her forehead. Adorable wasn't really a word he'd previously associated with Donna – stunning, beautiful, and sexy, yes – but then he'd never seen her waking up in his bed before this weekend. It was fast becoming his favorite sight. He sets down the mug and climbs into bed behind her, wrapping her small frame in his embrace. "I was just talking to Stan."

"You called him at…7 in the morning?" She asks quizzically. "That desperate to talk about your feelings, huh?"

"What can I say," he grins. "I'm an over-sharer now. You ruined me." He presses his lips gently to her shoulder and reaches for her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers.

"What did he say?" She asks with interest, turning to face him. "Did you tell…?"

"Yeah…he…actually asked if we wanted to come in and see him. Together," he adds hesitantly.

"Like…_couples_ counselling?" She sounds entertained by the idea.

He shrugs. "Yeah…I guess…"

"This _must_ be some kind of record," she says, in full sass mode now. "What kind of couple only lasts three days before needing counselling?"

"Probably the same kind of couple that takes thirteen years to get their shit together?" He says sheepishly. He wonders if it's too soon for that joke, but to his relief she gives him a look of mock exasperation.

"And whose fault was that, _mister_?_"_ She scolds, landing a playful smack on his ass.

"I mean…apparently I'm the one who's _desperate_ to talk about my feelings," he teases.

"Well, I would never deny you an opportunity to do _that_, but as far as I can recall, counselling is for couples who _don't_ have their shit together?" She's masking it with humor, but he can sense a touch of hesitation behind her words.

"Hey, if you don't want to go, I'm just saying, maybe the tables have turned and _you're_ the one who's scared to talk about your feelings…" He raises his eyebrows, issuing a challenge.

She rolls her eyes. "You're impossible."

"Don't you mean_…_impossible _to resist_?" He smiles devilishly and pulls her flush against him.

"Yes," she breathes, and now he's the one who can't resist her. He threads his fingers into her hair and tilts her head forward to bring her lips to his, kissing her with intent as he presses the entire length of his body into hers. As he deepens the kiss she grips his back and wraps her leg around him, fusing their bodies together, and he's overcome by the feeling of closeness. Suddenly she pulls back and rests her forehead against his. "I love you, Harvey," she whispers.

Yes, she had definitely ruined him, he thinks. He was completely and utterly ruined for anyone but Donna Paulsen.

"I love you too, Donna."

* * *

In the end, he wears her down with an appeal to her notorious sense of curiosity, so four days later, they settle nervously into Stan's office. They're each looking to the other for reassurance, and Harvey starts to wonder whether this had ultimately been a good idea. Everything had been going so well—why risk bringing up old mistakes that had caused so much pain for both of them?

He looks to Stan, hoping that he'll talk first and have some sort of plan, because after all, Harvey had never been much good at starting this type of conversation.

"So, Harvey and Donna—I have to say it brings me great pleasure to see the two of you together," Stan smiles. "Throughout our individual sessions the love that you have for each other was very clear. However, had I not known that you were talking about each other, my first impression would be that you were both coping with feelings of unrequited love. But of course…we know that was not the case."

He glances toward her and she's giving him that look, the one with soft eyes and the slightest smile that's reserved for him, and he knows he's giving it right back. And he marvels how they had somehow managed to convince themselves that those looks meant affection, and loyalty, but not love.

"Today," Stan continues, "I would like to explore the reasons you both had for repressing the feelings you have for each other. Although you have overcome them now, it is important that you are comfortable communicating when these issues arise again."

This doesn't sit well with Harvey. "How do you know they're going to arise again?" He says, a bit too aggressively.

"Well, as you know, Harvey, people change. But we do not change overnight, despite our best intentions. So I would like you each to take a moment and think of your biggest insecurity about your relationship, something that is a source of negative emotions for you. And we will try to work through these together. Donna, would you like to start?"

He's relieved that Stan asked her first. But she looks discomfited by the question, so he reaches out and rests a hand on her thigh, hoping to show her that whatever she wants to say, it's OK with him.

"Um…I guess my biggest insecurity is that…Harvey gave me my job, because I asked for it. And sometimes it feels like I…" She looks unsure how to finish her sentence. "Like I didn't deserve it."

He painfully recalls their conversation about David Fox, the words "_You're in your position because I put you there!_" echoing through his mind. He can't stand the fact that he had made her doubt her own abilities, when she'd spent her entire career helping him believe in his own.

"This can be a common issue with workplace relationships," Stan says. "Of course, one way to resolve these feelings would be to prove to yourself that you are capable of excelling similarly at any other law firm, not just one that you share with Harvey. But I would guess that you do not want to do that."

"No…it's…they're my family."

Harvey breathes a sigh of relief at her answer, but feels guilty for the position he's put her in, knowing that she'll have to bear the brunt of the negative assertions about their relationship. In their first few days back at the firm they'd been keeping it to themselves, but he knows that can't last forever. He should have promoted her earlier, should have given more thought to her career. But the truth was that he'd always been selfish when it came to her, never considering the idea that she might be more fulfilled away from his desk.

"That is understandable," says Stan. "Perhaps we can discuss some thought exercises you can consider to help you cope with these feelings."

"I think I_…_know how I want to resolve them. I want to_…_maybe_…_do an MBA."

"What?" Harvey turns to her in surprise. Did she think she wasn't good enough for him? That she needed to prove herself even more, after thirteen years of doing that every day? He remembers with a pang how he had once gestured, '_I'm here…you're here',_ indicating their relative importance. He would give anything to take those words back. "Donna, you don't need to do that to prove you deserve your position. I _know_ that you do. And I'll make sure every asshole associate knows it too—"

"I don't want to do it for you," she says simply. "Or for anyone else. I want to do it for me_…_to be an even better COO."

"Donna, you can't leave the firm," he says warningly, and the words bring back a flood of unpleasant memories. '_This isn't working for me anymore…I'm leaving you, Harvey__…'_ "We need_—_"

"I wouldn't have to. You can take evening classes. And there's weekend programs too. NYU and Columbia have them."

He's taken aback by this. "You really…did your research, huh? Even before we…"

She nods nervously, watching for his reaction. The thought that she feels she needs his approval to do something for herself saddens him. "Okay." He squeezes her hand. "If that's what you want to do, we'll make it work. And I'm making you get an assistant," he says sternly.

She smiles and squeezes back, looking relieved. "Deal."

"Donna, I believe this could be very fulfilling for you, both personally and professionally," Stan says thoughtfully. "If it is something you have been thinking about for some time, I think it is very worthwhile to consider a plan for balancing coursework and your work responsibilities, while ensuring that this would not become overwhelming for you."

"Actually, my best friend worked at the firm while taking law school classes at the same time," Donna offers. "I know it's possible."

"Yeah, and she survived even though her boss was a real jerk about it," Harvey says with embarrassment. "But he won't be this time." He gives her a earnest look as he says it; Donna seems pleasantly surprised by his admission.

"Harvey, I commend you for your self-reflection," Stan says, correctly interpreting the meaning of his remark. "It is not easy to acknowledge our own flaws. I can tell you wish to be supportive of Donna pursuing her personal goals, and if you continue to be honest with each other about your wishes and fears, you will be able to succeed in doing this. Would you now like to share an insecurity of your own?"

He looks to Donna nervously. He doesn't want to speak it into existence, to tempt fate, and he can't look at her while he says the words. "That she'll…leave me."

He can feel her staring at him. "How can you still think that, after all we've been through?" She says incredulously. "Why don't you have faith in us?"

"I'm not…good at this, Donna. At making relationships work. And what if it's…not enough for you?" He looks down at his hands. It had always been his gnawing worry, that he was too broken, too flawed, to succeed in this area of life.

"How are you so confident about everything else in your life but so insecure about this?" She's getting upset now and he doesn't understand why. Can't she see that it's only because of how much he loves her?

Stan breaks the tension between them. "Often…when people are insecure in a relationship, it is because they feel they are not deserving of the other person. It can be helpful to remind one another of everything you value about your partner."

She looks at him with tears in her eyes. "Is that what you think? That you don't…deserve this? That you don't deserve happiness?"

"You've always been too good for me, Donna," he mumbles.

"Harvey, listen to me. I'm never going to leave you. _This,__" _she takes his hand and presses it to her heart, "is everything I've always wanted."

She says it sincerely. And he wants to believe her. But… "You did before." He says the words quietly, looking at the ground, and he's not even sure that he wants her to hear. When he finally gets the courage to look up at her face, she looks as though he's wounded her.

"That's not fair, Harvey…I'll always regret the fact that I ran away from you instead of dealing with my feelings, but you have to know that the only reason I did that was because I loved you _so_ much and I couldn't bear the fact that you didn't feel the same way about me…"

"But I _did,_" he says sadly. "I was just…"

"Scared to lose me?" She lets out a sigh of frustration. "We just keep going around in circles…you can't keep living with that fear forever! You have to _trust_ me."

"I _do_, but…I don't trust myself…"

"I won't let you," she says firmly, "screw this up. So you better get it through your head…that _this is it_, OK?" Her eyes fill with tears and she takes both of his hands in hers. "_You and me_, for better or worse, for richer or poorer. Til death do us part. _Got that?_"

He stares at her. "Are you…saying…"

"_Harvey_, you know I'd marry you tomorrow if you ask me," she says, as though it's the most obvious thing in the world.

He's lost for words, unable to process the depth of her commitment to him. He opens his mouth to respond, but can't seem to find any words that could convey everything he's feeling.

She looks apprehensive at his continued silence. "But…please don't ask me during a therapy session," she says, smiling through her tears.

"_Donna_…" Her name is the only thing he can say, but he hopes it's enough. He wipes a tear from her cheek and his thumb lingers over her face before his hands come to rest in hers once again.

All they can do is stare into each other's eyes while the immense weight of everything they've shared sinks in. Minutes pass and the sudden sound of a phone ringing distracts them. They finally break their gaze and look around, noticing that Stan is no longer sitting opposite them. "Where…?"

Looking concerned, she stands up and heads back into the waiting room, and he follows, still in a daze. They find Stan sitting there reading a magazine, looking as though he's thoroughly enjoying himself.

"Stan, what—why did you leave?" Donna inquires.

The doctor looks down at his watch and smiles. "This is an experiment, to discover how long it takes for you to seek me out. If you last more than ten minutes, and I do not hear any yelling, then I have become redundant—you are looking to each other for answers, without needing me."

"How long has it…?"

"Twenty-five minutes," he smiles. "So! You are ready. I will always be here if you need me, but I have total faith in your ability to move forward together. It is very clear to me that you can give each other everything you need."

Harvey's still not sure he can form cohesive sentences right now; all he manages to get out is "Thanks, Stan…" He reaches for her hand and they leave together in silence, taking turns glancing at each other while the other isn't looking. Finally their stolen glances coincide, and he sees a look of pure contentment on her face, and it hits him. He's _home. _And he realizes that he can finally allow himself to imagine the type of future that he never thought he'd be worthy of.

But then he'd always believed it was better to have goals rather than dreams.

And so that was the day Harvey Specter bought a ring.

* * *

**Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!** **I aimed to leave it open-ended enough to allow for future installments (I have a couple planned out), but I also wanted to give them a resolution of sorts as I really don't see these two being dysfunctional enough to need therapy every week! Would love to hear your thoughts, and thanks again to everyone who's offered encouragement and suggestions xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you again for your reviews, I'm really happy there was enthusiasm for the idea of Donna going back to school! Although I doubt we'd get to see it on the show, it's always been something I imagined as a possibility for her. I absolutely love that she's COO now, just wish that storyline of personal growth could have been developed more organically over a longer time scale. That's where fics come in, I suppose :) ****Hope you enjoy this chapter and thanks again for reading xx**

* * *

"So, Donna, how long have you been considering this?"

It was a week after their session, when she had first given voice to her idea, and Stan had invited her to come back on her own, if she wanted, to talk through her decision.

"I think I always wanted to prove to myself that I could do more than just sit at my desk and answer the phone. It took me a while to figure out how to do that. And when I asked for my promotion I knew I deserved more…but still, at the end of the day…it was only because Harvey valued me enough to agree to it." It wasn't really the accusations that she had slept her way to her position that bothered her, because she knew it wasn't true. It was that a part of her wondered, if it hadn't been _her,_ would he have given anyone else with her resumé a chance?

"I suggest that you view this differently," Stan proposes. "I would say it is because you made yourself so valuable that he couldn't not promote you."

"Well, I know I'm valuable to him, and to our firm. But even though I don't want to leave, I guess I still want to know in my heart that I could walk into any law firm and be the best candidate for my job. I _think_ this is the best way to do that. It's just that…if I fail…" Her voice shrinks as she admits the thing that terrifies her the most. "I'll be proving that I wasn't good enough for my job, in the end. And I don't know if I would be able to live with that…"

Stan leans forward and speaks reassuringly. "Donna, everyone who knows you appreciates that your strengths go far beyond material we can learn from books."

Yes, she certainly knows that. But it somehow feels like a compliment and a slight at the same time. After all, she's the only partner at the firm without a diploma on the wall. And as much as that always made her proud, there are times when she would rather blend into their world. "Sometimes…it's hard when everyone you know went to Harvard Law, and you're the underachiever who only has a theatre degree."

"I would say it is all the more impressive to reach the level you have in your career despite having focused your education in a different area. You should not judge your worth, to the firm, or to Harvey or anyone else, based on the degrees after your name. Moreover, it is quite natural to have feelings like this when we challenge ourselves to leave our comfort zone. But the important thing to remember is that even though it is uncomfortable leaving it, in the process we will widen its borders, and extend our own perceptions of what we are capable of."

She hesitates. "I _want_ to push myself…but…if I put in all the effort, and then it turns out to be for nothing…"

"I assume that by '_nothing_' you mean, not getting accepted to the program you wish for. Do you not think that, in the process of learning the material for this admission exam, and being forced to build on your multitasking and learning skills, you would inherently be accomplishing your goal of developing as a COO?"

As usual, he's managed to help her see things in a completely new light. "I guess I hadn't even…considered that, but you're right, Stan…it's absolutely true..."

He smiles knowingly. "Well, then, I think you have your answer."

* * *

So she'd taken a leap of faith, with Harvey's encouragement, and decided to do it. Now, though, two months later, she was finding it incredibly difficult to deny herself the little free time she had with him to instead spend long hours revising.

They had been settling into a satisfying rhythm, spending their days at the office sharing illicit touches and glances, and their nights at his place or hers, falling into each other's arms with as much desire and abandon as their _second_ first time. And Harvey seemed determined to be nothing but understanding as she started having to turn down lunches and lazy mornings in bed, but she could read him well enough to know that he regretted it too.

It was gradually starting to wear her thin, and today, after squandering her entire lunch hour attempting to solve a single math problem, she just needs to hear that it would be all worth it in the end. So she decides to call someone who'd been there before—someone whose absence she still feels every day, even after six months of getting used to it.

"Donna!" Rachel exclaims. "How _are_ you? It's been so long." In their case, _so long_ meant a couple of weeks, more or less, but it still felt like a long time to go without your best friend. Donna knew it was her fault.

"Rach, I'm so sorry, it's just been so hard, trying to balance everything…I don't know if I can do it. If I have to look at one more equation I might give up completely…"

"Oh, Donna, trust me, I've been there…eventually I had to accept that regardless of whether it all ended up working out, my life was still pretty great…I had an amazing boyfriend, a job where people cared about me, and the best friends anyone could ever ask for...and you have all those things, too."

Rachel had always been able to find exactly the right words of comfort and encouragement, and this time was no exception. "You're right, Rach…I know how lucky I am…it's not the end of the world if I don't get in, but I can't get past the fear of failing…"

"I guess I had to get to a point where I convinced myself that the potential reward was worth that risk. And that…I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't try."

Yes, she had come so far now, that if she backed out now she would never forgive herself. As much as she talked a big game of confidence, she didn't always live up to it inside. But now was the time to prove to herself that she was indeed every bit as badass as she let on. "Thanks, Rach, I needed this…I miss you…"

"I miss you too, Donna…" Her friend sighs. "You and Harvey _need_ to come to Seattle for Christmas. Mike says he still can't believe it until he sees you two with his own eyes. He won't take no for an answer, you know."

"Oh, I know first-hand how persuasive Mike can be…" She laughs, thinking back to the day he'd somehow convinced her to let Harvey know exactly how she felt, despite all the complications in their way. As usual, another one of his improbable plans had worked out in the end, and they were both forever grateful for his inability to keep his mouth shut.

"Don't we all…I have to run to a meeting, Donna, but I'm so glad you called! Just think…if I can kill the LSAT despite having crippling exam anxiety, you can _definitely_ do this, okay? I know how hard you're working. Go teach that GMAT all about the_ genius_ of Donna."

* * *

It's getting to be that time of day when Harvey finds it increasingly difficult to focus on work, and prefers to start thinking ahead to an evening with Donna. They haven't made plans for tonight, not officially, so he decides to swing by her office, feeling the now familiar rush of anticipation at the thought of seeing her after hours apart.

But she's not there, and her bag and coat are gone too. Disappointed, he leans on her desk with a sigh, wondering how he can feel so unsettled just from not knowing where she is. He really doesn't feel like going back to his case files, so he pours himself a drink and settles into her chair, feeling comforted by the faint scent of her and the warm décor that was so unlike anyone else's at the firm. He leans back with a sigh, unconsciously staring down the hallway for a sign of her return. He's feeling nostalgic for some reason, and he knows exactly who to call when that happens.

"Hey Mike, how are you, buddy?"

"Harvey! Things are good, man, can't complain. How's life at the firm without me?

"You know, it's weird, we're actually making money now that you're not here giving away half our cases for free anymore," he jokes.

"Oh haha, very funny. Miss you too, dick. How's Donna?"

He sighs. "She's been…I don't know…really focused on her applications. I guess it just feels like lately she's been…drifting away from me."

"_Harvey_," Mike says with exasperation, "She's studying for an exam, not dying."

"I know, but I can't help wishing that she…ahh, I'm over-reacting. It's fine." He says, feeling a touch of embarrassment.

"Hey, listen. Do you remember when I thought Rachel might go to Stanford? I think you know better than anyone that I was an absolute mess, and yeah, I definitely felt like I was losing her. But I had to come around, because it was _her_ life, and you can't love someone by making their decisions for them."

"But…now it's my life too…"

"OK, I'm not trying to piss you off, but I have to say it. You were her boss for a long time…you're used to having her put your needs first. But you can't always have it that way in a relationship—it has to go both ways. You have to show her you can do that for her too."

"What are you, the love guru?" He grumbles.

"Hey, man, someone's gotta help you out, you have the relationship experience of a fifteen-year-old."

"At least I don't use the preferred mode of transportation of a fifteen-year-old."

"Okay, you know what, smart-ass, in Seattle bikes are way cooler than whatever pretentious sports car you're driving this week."

"I'll take your word for it." He chuckles, happy to be momentarily distracted from his insecurities.

"Seriously, Harvey, it's going to be OK. It's a tough phase, but it doesn't last forever."

He knows that, but it doesn't feel like any consolation right now. "It's the timing, you know…we just figured things out. And now she's so busy all the time…"

"Harvey, this is the time for her to do it. Once you guys have kids, it won't be—"

"Whoa, whoa, I'm sorry, what now? Who said we're having kids?"

"Um, _I_ did? Like five seconds ago. Keep up." Mike's cockiness is oddly endearing, as ever.

"Okay, hot shot, something tells me Donna might want a say in that."

"Oh, don't worry, I'll get her on board."

"Shouldn't you be worrying about your _own_ reproductive choices instead of mine?" He says with a snort.

"Hey, I've got plenty of time, _I'm_ not a dinosaur."

"Really? The age thing again?" He reprimands. "Isn't it about time you came up with some new material?"

"Isn't it about time you start getting a move on before your—"

"Okayyy, we're done talking," he says jokingly, in that tone of voice where he wants to sound mad but really isn't. Because as much as he's enjoying giving Mike a hard time, the topic of conversation isn't scaring him in the slightest, and the realization brings a smile to his face.

"Fine, but I've still got dibs on godfather."

"We'll see about that."

"I'll make you an offer you can't refuse?"

He grins, missing their endless movie quote marathons. "Bye, Mike. And thanks…I needed this."

Right then, he decides that instead of moping around in her office, he should do something for her—to show that he knows what she's going through, and that he wants to be there for her. In the past, that might have been breakfast and a shopping trip. But this time, he thinks, it needs to mean more, to carry more weight. As he's wondering how to do that, he remembers Stan's words.

"_You can give each other everything you need." _

* * *

An hour later, he hears the door open and sees a pleasantly surprised expression on her face when she enters the kitchen and sees him standing there, jacket removed and sleeves rolled up, slicing onions. "Hey, you," she says softly. "How long have you been here?"

"Just a little while. Feel like some dinner?"

She gives him a look of gratitude and nods, coming over to stand behind him so she can rest her head on his shoulder.

"Were you at that prep class?" He suddenly remembers her mentioning it yesterday.

"Yeah. Ugh, it's been the longest day…but coming home to you just made it all better…"

It's exactly what he wanted to hear. "Donna," he begins tentatively, turning around to face her and grazing his hands down her sides, "what if I…move in with you?"

She's taken by surprise. "What? You want to live…_here_," she glances around questioningly, "instead of in your giant luxury penthouse?"

He needs to make her understand, because she's looking at him skeptically. "Yes…I mean, if you want…I'm so proud of you for challenging yourself. I know you're only going to get busier and I can't do anything about that. But what I _can_ do is try to be there for you every step of the way. I want to try to make your life easier. And I don't want to go home to an empty penthouse anymore—I want my home to be with you," he says earnestly, brushing a strand of hair from her face.

Now all the skepticism in her eyes has been replaced with tenderness. "Harvey, your home will always be with me…"

"Good." He gives her a gentle kiss and then rests his forehead against hers. "Then it's settled."

After a moment, she pulls back and considers him with narrowed eyes. "So, would I be your…_landlord_ then, technically?"

"Now, now, don't go exploiting your position of power over me." He gives her a mischievous smile.

"Oh, I think it's about time we had a role reversal. I charge very expensive rent, you know."

"Any alternative payment plans?" He says, wiggling his eyebrows in that ridiculous way that never fails to make her laugh.

She responds by raising her own eyebrows suggestively. "Oh, you'll be paying me back for a long time, mister."

"I wouldn't get too used to it. How about…after your exam, we can start looking for a new place of our own?"

At this, she flashes her dazzling smile, the one he hasn't seen enough of lately. "Only if I get to have a bigger closet."

"I think that can be arranged."

"Maybe…a grand piano?" She says hopefully.

"Done."

"And…a second bedroom."

He eyes her carefully. "For…"

She blushes faintly and looks down at her hands. "You know…Mike and Rachel, when they come to visit."

Smiling at her nervousness, he kisses the top of her head and cups her chin, coaxing her eyes up to meet his. "Just so you know…it can have as many bedrooms as you want."

It's an opening, a moment of ambiguity for her to take or leave, because he doesn't think he's ready to say it out loud yet, but still wants her to understand. And like always, it turns out he doesn't need to tell her in words, because she already knows.

She searches his face, wordlessly confirming his meaning. "I think you mean…as many as _we_ want." Her arms envelop him and she lays her head against his chest.

As he strokes her hair and breathes all of her in, he wonders how on earth he'd been lucky enough to find a woman who knew his every thought, usually better than he knew them himself. "Yes. Or maybe…" He trails off and she looks up at him, expectantly.

"…as many as we're lucky enough to need?"

Their eyes meet and her expression conveys everything she feels as she suddenly kisses him fiercely, pressing him backwards into the countertop while her hands seek his hair and his neck. He pulls her hips snug against him, sliding one leg in between hers, and in response she gently bites his lip and digs her fingernails into his skin. The heady feeling of pleasure from her touch spreads through his body, chasing everything else from his thoughts. Needing all of her, he takes her hand and leads her wordlessly to the bedroom, like he has so many other times before. But this time, it's _their_ bedroom, and instead of drifting away…she's never felt closer.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you again for your lovely comments, I have to admit that I thought this story idea would start to bore people after a while and I'm so glad that doesn't seem to be the case! This chapter is set ~two months after the previous one, hope you enjoy it xx**

* * *

"Donna, have you seen Harvey?" Alex is standing in the doorway of her office.

"No, not since this morning, why?"

"He's not in his office and I just wanted to let him know that Pfizer cancelled our meeting today. They want us to revise the terms and draw up new paperwork."

He'd been devoting all his time lately to helping Alex with the Pfizer merger, so she's surprised to hear he's away from the office, with his whereabouts unknown to both of them.

"Did you ask Cameron?"

"No, I figured I'd check here first. You know, that man spends almost as much time here as he does in his own office," Alex replies, raising an eyebrow in amusement.

She thinks she should probably be embarrassed by this observation, but all it does it bring a smile to her face. "I'll go ask Cameron," she volunteers.

Of course, Alex could easily ask Harvey's secretary himself, but she would never pass up an excuse to visit her old desk. She might prefer an office to a cubicle, but she still enjoyed reminiscing about those days, especially since they'd been together. She found herself constantly reassessing the interactions and conversations they'd had there; it was as though their entire history together was reflected in a new light now that everything between them was out in the open.

He'd moved in two months ago, and there was something so comforting about having touches of Harvey wherever she went—his suits next to her dresses in the closet, her perfume and his cologne mingling on the bathroom counter, his whiskey collection finding a home in her bar. At first, she'd wondered whether it would be difficult for them, considering they were both adults used to living alone, equally independent and stubborn. And yet their lives had melded together as seamlessly as their bodies did every night.

They hadn't given any thought to finding a new place yet—somehow, her old apartment just felt like their home. And although it stayed unspoken between them, they understood that any idea of starting a family would be on hold while she was waiting to find out about school. Privately, she was hopeful, having scored well on the GMAT, but then she was sure that everyone else applying had too. So she'd tried to put it out of her mind these past few months, and had devoted her newfound free time to Harvey, enjoying the blissful feeling of being everything to each other, after so many years of convincing herself that he would never let anyone into his life in that way.

Her reflections are interrupted by her arrival at his office, and after confirming he isn't there, she approaches his secretary. "Cameron, do you know where Harvey is?"

"He just stepped out, can I…help you, Donna?"

The young man looks up at her nervously. Ever since she had 'fired' the former temp years ago, he'd always seemed slightly intimidated by her, and it had only magnified she he'd found out that she and Harvey were together. Finding it amusing, at times she'd enjoyed using his fear of her to toy with him (Harvey liked to tell her how cruel she was) but today she decides to let him off the hook.

"Alex just wanted to make sure he knew that Pfizer cancelled their meeting this afternoon."

"Yes, they called me too, I let him know it was cancelled before he left."

"Great. Do you know when he'll be back?" They'd both been swamped with work and hadn't seen each other all day, and even though it was silly, she still started to miss him on days like that.

"He said he had an appointment and he'd be back in an hour."

She finds this strange; Harvey wasn't in the habit of referring to his meetings as appointments, and he'd never been keen on doctors, so she was pretty sure it wasn't that kind of appointment. Unless…she bites her lip, not wanting to pry, but… "What kind of appointment?"

"Sorry, I don't have any more details, it's not in his calendar."

"Thanks, Cameron."

She walks away, puzzled. She knows there's one kind of doctor he does visit, but…would Harvey start seeing him again, without telling her? He'd seemed so happy lately, now that they had more time to themselves. If he was struggling with something…why wouldn't he let her in? Insecurity starts to creep into her mind, wondering if it had something to do with her. Knowing she should leave it alone, but needing to reassure herself, she sends him a quick text.

_Was just looking for you. Lunch? x_

He replies right away. _Would love to, but have that meeting at Pfizer. Promise I'll make it up to you tonight…_ ;)

Her heart sinks. It was one thing to keep it from her, but she can't understand how he could lie—after all, that had been their pledge to each other, when they'd finally opened up about everything they felt that night. No more hiding their feelings; good or bad, they would share it all. They'd always been by each other's sides during their successes and struggles, but now they were able to find solace in each other in a way they never could before.

At least that was how she felt, and how she thought he felt too. But then, they had both been masters at concealing their feelings for so long, and old habits die hard. She's almost back to her office, still lost in the swirl of her own thoughts, when Louis bursts into her consciousness.

"Donna! Just the woman I wanted to see. Productivity report. How's it coming?"

"Wha—oh, good, Louis. Making progress."

"Happy to hear it. You know how important those metrics are for quarter end! Have it on my desk tomorrow morning, OK?" He gives her an encouraging thumbs up and saunters down the hallway.

She plasters an enthusiastic smile on her face in response but as soon as he's out of view she slumps against her office door and closes her eyes. "Ughh."

Annoyed by Louis' typically over-ambitious deadline, she's nevertheless grateful to have something to distract her from worrying about Harvey all afternoon. Immersing herself in her work, she loses track of time completely and is caught off guard when the man himself appears at her door just after seven.

"Hey," he says gently. "Missed you today."

She smiles and returns the greeting, and he comes over and leans on her desk, placing his hand over her own. She scrutinizes his face, looking for signs of tension, but finds nothing.

"You have much more work to do? I'm done for the day."

She heaves a sigh at the stacks of papers sitting on her desk. "Yeah, I'll be here late…Louis wants the productivity report by tomorrow morning and I'm nowhere close to finished…"

His eyebrows furrow in concern and she can tell she's triggered his protective instincts. "If Louis gives you any shit about not having it done, I personally volunteer to tell him to go to hell."

She cocks her head and gives him a soft smile. "Don't you worry about me, I can handle Louis."

"Oh, I know you can. Nobody messes with my girl," he grins. Her heart skips a beat at his response; she still feels light-headed every time he shows her _that_ smile, the one that lights up his eyes and stretches to the very corner of his cheeks. "I'll head home and get us some dinner?" He offers.

She nods gratefully. Hesitant to bring it up, as he seems to be in a good mood, she decides she still needs to know. "How was your…meeting?"

Looking puzzled by her tentative tone, there's a pause before he responds. "I got what I needed," he smiles, reassuringly. Leaning over to kiss her cheek, he squeezes her hand and gets up to leave. "Don't stay too late, OK?"

He's acting like himself, but she just can't shake the feeling that something must be wrong. As he reaches the doorway, she says haltingly, "Harvey…you don't have to tell me about…all your meetings, but if you ever want to…I'm here."

He stops and turns to look at her, his expression inscrutable. "I know, Donna." He looks as if he wants to say something more but then, seeming conflicted, thinks better of it. "See you at home."

* * *

As he leaves her office, Harvey runs through their conversation in his mind. Did she know? _How_? Stupid question, she knew everything. He feels guilty for lying, but he doesn't think he could have stood up to her inquisition if she started questioning him. He'd certainly succumbed to her cross-examinations before.

His visit to Stan had just been something he needed to do, to get over the last hint of fear and uncertainty playing on his mind. And he hadn't wanted her to find out, but he knew he could explain everything, in the end.

Earlier that afternoon, when his meeting had been cancelled, he'd taken the opportunity to call and schedule a last-minute appointment. When he'd arrived, Stan had greeted him warmly, and asked how the last few months had gone for him and Donna.

_"Actually, that's why I'm here…thanks for fitting me in on short notice."_

_A hint of concern crosses Stan's face as he peers over his glasses at his patient. "What is on your mind, Harvey?"_

_He's silent for a moment, collecting his thoughts. Unsure how to start, he stares at his hands. "I just need to know…you're a therapist. You must see…does it work—marriage? Can it?"_

_Stan considers him for a moment. "What has triggered these questions for you, Harvey?"_

_"I want a future with her…more than anything…but what if…" His thought goes unfinished, as he's lost in contemplation._

_"I take it that you are struggling with the idea of how marriage would affect your relationship with Donna?"_

_"They all end," he says in a strangled voice. "I mean, my parents…my brother…Jessica…it never lasts. And it scares the shit of me. How am I supposed to be better than them, when they're the people I'm supposed to look up to?" _

_"Harvey, I understand it can be difficult to picture a healthy, lasting marriage when these are not the types of examples we have seen ourselves. But I suspect that having seen these marriages fail would in fact help your own have a better chance of success."_

_"What do you mean?" He says tentatively. _

_"I mean that you will have learned a great deal about what not to do, and be all the more determined to avoid these mistakes yourself."_

_He scoffs. "All I learned from them was to not cheat. And that sure as hell isn't a mistake I'm going to make, but __there's always something else that can go wrong, right? I mean, there's a million ways to screw things up, and I know that from experience__…__"_

_"Harvey, marriage is not about being perfect. You will make mistakes, no matter how hard you try to avoid doing so. But remember that the two of you have already survived situations that would have ended many relationships. And yet, here you are today, still caring for each other just as deeply. In a similar way, mistakes do not doom a marriage to failure, just as it is very possible for marriages to fail due to circumstances that are no one's fault at all."_

_This isn't what he wants to hear. "But then, how can you make sure that doesn't happen?"_

_"You can certainly take steps to prevent and address problems, but there are no guarantees. I cannot pretend otherwise. That is simply the way life is."_

_"Well, if it's just a crapshoot according to you, then what's the point of even trying?" He exclaims in exasperation. _

_Stan is quiet for a moment. "Harvey, I would remind you that there is nothing requiring you to choose marriage. Really, it is only a piece of paper, a legal document. It does not assure long-term happiness."_

_Harvey looks at him in confusion. "Why would you say that? Aren't you supposed to be helping me?"_

_"Yes, and there are different ways to do that. If you have negative feelings associated with the process, perhaps you should not get married. Many couples have fulfilling lives and relationships without taking that step."_

_He can't understand where Stan's going with this, and he feels unsettled by all the mixed messages. "But what about…committing to a life together? Promising to care for each other, forever?"_

_"Can't you do that without getting married?" _

_"I guess, but…" He's getting frustrated, feeling as though his words aren't fully conveying what he wants to say. "Doesn't it…mean something to make a vow to someone? Not being afraid to tell them, in front of the world, that they're…the _only_ person you'll ever love? Isn't that worthwhile?"_

_Stan smiles. "It is apparent that _you_ think it is worthwhile, despite all the inherent challenges and risks. And if so, you need only to remember this, whenever these concerns enter your mind."_

_Confusion sets in, followed by clarity. "Wait a second, were you…" He eyes Stan skeptically. "…playing devil's advocate with me?"_

_The doctor leans back in his chair, looking satisfied. "As you see, it can be a very effective way to expose genuine feelings, Harvey. Because now, neither you nor I have any doubts about yours."_


	8. Chapter 8

Donna finally finishes her work just after nine, dropping her completed report with satisfaction onto Louis' desk. She texts Harvey that she's on her way home, and is surprised to see Ray leaning on his car when she exits the building ten minutes later. It's been easy to slip into the trap of thinking of him as _their_ driver, when they're coming and going together so often, but she never wanted to double his workload.

"Ray, you didn't need to come back! You shouldn't be making two trips…"

"It's no problem, Donna, you're my only trip this evening. Harvey said he wanted to walk today. He asked me to come by for you later."

She knows by now that every time Harvey says '_I felt like walking'_ it really means '_I just wanted you to have the car'_, and she should definitely call him out on that feeble cover-up. But she's thankful anyway, happy to see a familiar face at the end of a long day. He opens the rear door for her and she smiles gratefully. "Thanks, Ray…just heading home."

As she turns down the hallway to number 206 a short while later, she hears the faint sound of music, and a smile slowly spreads across her face. Harvey's record player had been one of her most treasured additions to their home, and they'd spent many an evening entwined on the sofa, just enjoying the sounds of Miles and Duke and Chet. But her favorites were his father's albums, because listening to them together had always given her a feeling of closeness to him, like he was letting her in, far before he'd done that in a real way. It's one of his that she recognizes now as she enters their home, and the stress of her day starts to melt away before she's even made it through the doorway.

While she's slipping out of her heels and lowering her tired feet to the floor, he's suddenly right there in front of her, wearing the biggest grin she's ever seen. "What happened to _you_?" She asks, incredulously. "Harvey, what's going on?"

"We're celebrating," he says, matter-of-factly.

"Celebrating what?"

He slides an envelope out from behind his back. "It's from Columbia…"

Her breath catches in her throat. "But…" She looks from him to the letter, and back, trying to catch up. "You haven't opened it, why do you look so happy?"

"Because you got the fat envelope," he beams, handing it to her.

Heart fluttering, she slits open the package and reads the first line.

_Dear Ms. Paulsen,_

_On behalf of the Admissions Committee, we are please to offer you admission to the Columbia Executive MBA Class of 2021. Congratulations and welcome to Columbia Business School. _

Her hands start to shake.

"Well?" He says expectantly.

She throws her arms around his neck, and he wraps his own around her waist, lifting her off the ground in excitement. "I'm _so _proud of you…could you be any more perfect? Absolutely beautiful…breathtaking…_and_ brilliant," he says, painting her with kisses in between each word.

She blushes, still not over the thrill of Harvey complimenting _her_ that way. Truthfully, she might never get over it. At times she'd felt like the one woman he'd never call beautiful. Inside, she'd always hoped it was because it would _mean_ something if he said it to her, something _more_. But now he wasn't afraid to show her how much he meant it, and she treasured it each time it fell from his lips.

He takes her hand and pulls her into the kitchen, where two flutes of champagne are already poured on the countertop.

"Wow, you really had a lot of faith in envelope thickness," she teases.

"I had faith in _you_." He says simply, his face glowing with pride. "So…" His palms come to rest on her arms and he squeezes affectionately. "You're doing this. It's happening."

"_We're_ doing this," she corrects, and his only response is to smile at her in admiration, his touch grazing lightly downward from her shoulders to her hands. With disbelief, she thinks back to a year ago, when her self-worth had hit such a low that she'd almost slept with a married man to feel wanted. She wishes she could go back in time and reassure herself that it would get better, _so_ much better. A transformation so great that if someone had told her then what her life would look like today, she wouldn't have believed them.

Absent-mindedly tracing a pattern on her wrist with his thumb, he suddenly looks remorseful. "Donna, I just need to say…if you ever felt that I held you back…"

"Shhh." She presses a finger to his lips. "Harvey, you're the reason _any_ of this is even possible. You gave me a chance to find my calling…if I had never met you, I might just be another terrible, starving actress."

Her reply seems to cheer him up. "Well, I always wanted to sleep with an actress," he grins cheekily.

She rolls her eyes at him, amused. "How very generic of you."

"Actually, it was really one actress in particular. Pretty sure I was her biggest fan. She specialized in…off, _off_-Broadway plays." His eyes are dancing suggestively.

"You're an idiot." Her voice drips with sarcasm, but really, his not-so secret sentimental side is pulling at her heartstrings, just as easily as always. He was so damn charming sometimes, it was like he'd escaped from an old Hollywood movie.

"But you love me anyway." He pulls her hips close to his and leans into her until their faces are just touching, her nose grazing his with the gentlest contact.

"You know I do," she whispers. She feels frozen in place with the intimacy of the moment as they only have eyes for each other, their glasses of champagne long forgotten.

Their gaze is broken as the song ends, and the music switches from up-tempo swing to a slow jazz standard, full of yearning and nostalgia. He extends his hand, smiling. "What do you say?"

She offers her own and he leads her in front of the fireplace, drawing her into his chest and placing a firm but gentle arm around her waist. Resting her cheek on his, they sway and touch and breathe in unison with the music and with each other. The combination of the poignant melody and the warmth of the fire and his body against hers sends a tingling down her spine. She closes her eyes and soaks up every sensation, thinking it might be the most perfect moment of her life.

"Donna," he whispers in her ear, "are you…happy?"

She leans back from their embrace and looks into his eyes. "Harvey, I didn't even think…I was _capable_ of feeling as much happiness as I am right now…"

He brings his lips to hers, coaxing them into a long, slow kiss that leaves her breathless and wanting. "_Good_," he says gently. She's not sure what's gotten into him tonight, but he's radiating tenderness and devotion, and she's never desired him more.

Sliding his arm from her waist, he takes both of her hands in his and speaks softly. "My father used to tell me…that I'd know when I found the one. And since I met you, I've known with certainty that if I ever…let myself love you, I would never be able to stop, for the rest of my life…"

And then she knows. She can't hold back the tears that spring to her eyes as she gazes up at him, the man she loves, offering her all of himself, and more than she'd ever dreamed he could.

"Donna, having you…by my side…for the past fourteen years has been the greatest blessing of my life. You've…challenged me, but accepted me…you've loved me exactly for who I am, while never letting me lose sight of the person I could be. I know I'm not perfect…" His words shudder with emotion and she brings her hand to his face, caressing his cheek, reassuring him. "But I want to keep trying for the rest of our lives to be a man that you're proud to have as your own. Because you have my whole heart, Donna…my whole life, my everything…" Blinking back tears, he lowers himself to one knee and she can't help kneeling with him, needing to be as close to him as possible. "Will you—"

She gives in to the soaring rush of emotion inside her and crashes her lips into his, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and bending him backward with the force of her kiss. Momentarily caught off guard, his arms find her hips a second later and he clasps her tightly to him, as though trying to erase the already non-existent space between them.

Finally they break apart and he leans back, looking at her in awe. "So…that's a yes, then? Even though I didn't get to finish my question?"

"Yes…" she breathes, voice trembling. "Yes, Harvey, I'll marry you…" She can barely comprehend the moment, that it's really him, it's _Harvey,_ standing in front of her saying these words. And yet, it could only be him. A part of her had always understood that this was where they were meant to be, in the end—it was an undeniable, an _inevitable_ conclusion to their story.

She thought she'd seen every variation of his smile, but then she's never seen this one—complete, unadulterated joy. He takes her hand and softly presses it to his lips, worshiping her skin, and produces a small turquoise box from his pocket. "May I…?"

It's the biggest diamond she's ever seen, because of course Harvey doesn't do anything by halves, but she scarcely notices anything else in her haze of feeling. He slips it on her finger and they rise into an embrace, desperately seeking each other's touch. Hands encircling his neck and gliding into his hair, she grasps onto him, almost as though she needs to make sure he's real. As he buries himself in the curve of her neck, she inhales deeply and sighs in bliss, relishing each second of togetherness.

His eyes are drawn back to her face, as if he can't go without it for too long. He slowly brings his forehead to rest against hers, and the heat of their unsteady breathing mingles between them. "You know," he muses, playing with a lock of hair by her ear, "you once said you'd marry me tomorrow, so I just might hold you to that…"

"I remember," she smiles, and she can't resist teasing him lovingly. "It took you long enough to take me up on my offer."

His eyes widen slightly, as if he can't quite believe this declaration of impatience. "Hey, give a guy some credit, it's only been four months…"

"And fourteen years."

At this, his expression softens and he concedes in a gentle voice, "Well, I can't argue with that."

The memory of her confession in Stan's office brings back her all her earlier worries and she looks up at him in concern. "Harvey, I thought…earlier today…your meeting…"

"Just needed a little last-minute encouragement." Stroking her hair reassuringly, he smiles and presses his lips to her temple.

Returning his look of contentment, she relaxes in relief. "In that case…Stan did _good_…"

"He did."

She shakes her head, still marveling at how so many years of fear and insecurity could be unraveled in just a few months, with only a willingness to be honest and vulnerable with each other. "How can we ever thank him for everything? We might owe him our first-born child at this point…"

"Ohhh no," he murmurs. "We're definitely keeping that one for ourselves."

"So…you'd be okay with the second-born, then?"

He raises his eyebrows in amusement. "Funny."

"Third—"

He kisses the words out of her mouth. "All mine."

His hands find her waist once more and hers loop round his neck, and they give in to the music, thinking that maybe if they just keep dancing, the moment might never end. She lays her head on his shoulder, feeling his heart beat in rhythm against hers, and reflects on the road they'd traveled together. A journey beginning with youthful flirtation and growing into an unconditional love that had defied everything life had thrown at them, that had only strengthened through loss and adversity and pain and sacrifice. And now, they had finally arrived at the path to their future, side by side.

So he holds her close, and she doesn't let go, and they dance into forever.

* * *

**A/N: ****I know everyone probably has their own dream proposal for these two, but I hope you enjoyed mine :) If anyone is interested, the song I pictured in this scene was The Nearness of You, as performed by Chad Lefkowitz-Brown (but of course imagining Gordon playing it instead!)  
Thank you, thank you for all your support and encouragement, Darvey fans are really the most lovely people xx**


	9. Epilogue

**A/N: I'm sorry it's taken me so long to finish the last chapter—hopefully it's better late than never! Just wanted to say thanks again to everyone who's reviewed, followed, or read this story; it means so much to me and I hope you enjoy the final installment xx**

* * *

It was one of those perfect autumn days, when the air smells crisp and the leaves in Central Park are flush with his favorite shade of copper. He's waiting just inside the church when he sees Donna approaching across the courtyard with her father. She's a picture of elegance in a dress of white lace, the gentle breeze tossing her soft waves around her shoulders.

The sight of her brings back memories of another fall morning two years ago, when she had walked toward him in a different white dress. He'd thought surely no sight could ever be more beautiful than her, walking down the aisle radiating warmth and happiness and love, all of it directed at him. But now as he sees her lean over and kiss their daughter's tiny forehead, he knows he'd been wrong. And he can't help but marvel at everything his life had become since he'd taken that first step across her threshold more than two years ago.

"I should have known you two would make the world's most genetically blessed children," Rachel says, interrupting his thoughts. She's waiting beside him holding little Harvey, soon to be her godson, who's sleeping peacefully with his hand wrapped around her thumb.

"Oh, I think the two of you might give us a run for our money in that department," he says with a smile. Though Mike had told him they wanted to devote all their energy to their new firm for a few years, he figured it was only a matter of time before they'd start thinking of other priorities.

She gives him a knowing smile and turns her attention back to the little one in her arms. "They're just precious, Harvey."

"I know."

The baby suddenly starts to squirm and gives Rachel a ferocious whack with his little fist.

"I take that back," she laughs. "This one's feisty like his dad…I think I see law school in his future."

He smiles. "You know, I wouldn't count out business school. His mom's pretty feisty too." After all, he didn't think there were many women out there who could ace Advanced Corporate Finance while six months pregnant with twins. And still wearing four-inch heels, to boot. But then she'd never been like any other woman. She was an impossible blend of power, confidence and an iron will, mixed in equal parts with softness, empathy, and grace. It had always been an intoxicating combination to him, and he knew it was also a combination that made her an incredible mother.

He, on the other hand, still wasn't entirely sure of himself as a parent. Donna had been his rock and anchor, and above all his partner, through the entire experience. She'd always had unending faith in his abilities even when he didn't, and parenthood was no different.

"Either way, she's got two incredible parents to look up to," Rachel says sincerely.

He shakes his head, unable to comprehend the fact that anyone could look up to him as a parent. For his career successes, sure. And he'd always been on the receiving end of a fair amount of envy about his lifestyle—the cars, his condo, the impeccable suits. But he'd never imagined that anyone would ever look at him with a straight face and tell him they were impressed by his parenting skills.

"Well, one anyway," he deflects. "Jury's still out on the other one."

She looks unimpressed by his lack of self-confidence. "Seriously, Harvey, you're so good with them. You should know that. Donna's always telling me—"

"Telling you what now?" Donna inquires with a raised eyebrow, having arrived with Jim at the entrance of the church.

"How you're trying to figure out how to get rid of me," he jokes.

"Oh, honey," she says playfully. "Believe me, if that was the case you'd be in Siberia by now." She laughs and somehow it's a sound that still thrills him, even after almost seventeen years of hearing it.

Harvey turns to her father and smiles. "Glad you made it, Jim. Have a good trip?"

"Got here just in time, so I can't complain."

He nods. "Glad to hear it." They'd mended their fences in the past few years, acknowledging that they'd both made the mistake of accidentally hurting the person they loved the most—but never on purpose. Somehow she'd loved them both through it all, despite the fact that they hadn't always deserved it.

Mike sticks his head out from the sanctuary. "Come on, you slowpokes, let's christen some baby Specters!"

* * *

It's baby Harvey's turn first, and as he takes him from Rachel he starts to worry that he'll mess it up in some way, by forgetting his lines, or making the baby cry, but Donna gives him an encouraging smile and that means everything will be OK.

He can't say he'd ever thought of himself as a person who'd make a big deal out of a christening, but recently he'd found himself celebrating all sorts of sentimental events that he wouldn't have thought twice about before. Maybe it was because the only things in his former life worth celebrating had been business wins, and the excitement of taking down an opposing lawyer had started to wear off. Now, those moments seemed to pale in comparison to previously unimagined milestones like their first sonogram, or the twins' first smiles.

_"As Harvey navigates life's myriad challenges and trials, will you offer comfort, guidance and counsel to the best of your ability?"  
"Yes, we will."_

He looks out at their friends gathered there, at their parents and nieces and nephews and their colleagues, who'd become more than just his partners in law. He looks at Mike and Rachel standing beside them, looking as proud as if the twins were their own.

_"Do each of you affirm that Harvey will receive unconditional love and support?"  
"Yes, we do."_

He knows they're promising these things to his son, but it might as well be him. Turns out it's unexpectedly emotional, having the people he cares about pledge to support and guide their son and daughter through life. And it slowly starts to sink in—just how much family he really has.

* * *

After the ceremony, he and Mike are catching up outside with Rachel and Donna close by, the four of them talking and laughing as though they'd never been apart. It's bittersweet, having them back in town for visits. They're long enough to remind him of the old days of them working together, but too short for it to feel like real life.

"I still can't believe you named your kid after yourself. Actually, _wait_, I can believe that," Mike snorts.

"I'll have you know, it was Donna's choice," he says indignantly. "And we both know there's no arguing with that woman once she's made up her mind."

"Don't I know it. Well, that kid's got a lot to live up with the name Harvey Specter Junior…"

"Good thing that's not his name," he grins. "Harvey _Paulsen_-Specter."

"Oh sure, that makes all the difference, adding a Paulsen," Mike mocks. "He's still got Harvey Specter in there, you know."

Something about this turn of phrase makes him smile. He watches Donna head over to his mom, who greets her like the daughter she never had. Baby Harriet reaches for her grandma and he thinks he sees a hint of tears in Lily's eyes as she takes her from Donna's arms and holds her against her chest, gently rocking her back and forth. His mom had told him once how she thought she'd never get the chance to be a grandmother to his children, and he knew that it made every moment with them more emotional for her.

"Actually…" He muses. "It can make all the difference in the world."

Mike gives him a quizzical look and he pulls himself out of his reverie. "So…you and Rachel coming to dinner at our place tonight? It's just a small thing with our families."

"Man, I come all the way back to the city and you're going to make me go to Brooklyn? I've gotta say, I never pictured you with a brownstone in the suburbs," Mike says, shaking his head, but he looks equally proud and incredulous at this development.

"OK, for your information, Brooklyn is a _borough_, not a suburb. And if you want the city, I'm just saying, it's right here…"

"Yeah, about that…" Mike begins slowly.

Harvey looks at him with a start. "What…?" He says, not daring to hope that it could mean what it sounds like.

"We're coming back, Harvey."

"To New York?"

Mike nods and Harvey feels a rush of emotion in his chest. He's temporarily lost for words as he registers the idea of his best friend being back where he belongs.

"To…the firm?"

"No, I've been offered Nathan's old job running the clinic."

That sounds about right. He nods slowly. He'd come to terms long ago with the fact that he and Mike had been drawn to the law for different reasons. And yet, he had to ask. "What about…part-time consultant?"

Mike smiles and claps him on the back. "You bet."

His face breaks into a massive grin. Specter and Ross, together again. "Can't wait, buddy," he says enthusiastically. "So why now?"

"Come on, what kind of godparents would we be if we lived on the other side of the country?" Mike jokes.

He wasn't expecting this answer, and he feels a twinge of guilt at the idea of him and Rachel uprooting their life for them. "Mike, you don't…we didn't mean to…"

"It's time, Harvey. We want to start a family soon, and…family should be with family."

Though he certainly doesn't cry very often, but he has to admit his emotions are pretty close to getting the better of him right now. "So…play dates soon, huh?"

"Yeah, I figure, if we start planning now, we can definitely get our kids to fall in love—"

He chuckles. "Mike, if I've learned anything about love…it's that the heart wants what it wants. And no amount of scheming from you is going to change that."

"Excuse me, my scheming has a very high success rate, look at you two."

"Oh, I'm not gonna let you take all the credit for that one. Like I said…" He remembers every second of the day he'd realized who he wanted by his side for the rest of his life. Yes, he'd heard the voices of Mike, and Stan, and Samantha in his head that day, but in the end, the strongest one had been his own.

"…the heart will always find a way of getting what it wants."

"Will you look at that, the student has become the teacher," Mike teases. "Hey, I took some pictures during the ceremony, wanna see?"

Mike takes out his phone and starts scrolling through his photos. Harvey sees one of himself holding his son, and the expression on his face catches him off guard. It evokes a memory from the week they found out Donna was pregnant, and he looks up from the phone, his eyes immediately drawn to the man standing nearby talking with Louis and Sheila.

"Thanks, Mike, they're great. I'll be right back, OK?"

He heads over to greet his former therapist, looking forward to introducing him to his son. He'd been unsure whether Stan would accept a personal invitation from him, but somehow the day wouldn't have felt complete without him there.

"Stan, it's so good to see you again…thank you for coming," he says warmly.

"It is my great pleasure, Harvey. What a fine young man you have there," he says, smiling down at the baby, who looks up inquisitively at this new person, his tiny hand reaching up toward the man's glasses.

"I think he likes you. Maybe he knows he might not be here without you."

Stan looks touched but shakes his head. "You give me too much credit, Harvey. All of this was waiting for you, whenever you were ready to reach out and grasp it."

He ponders the truth of this. "I guess it was. But I still want to say thank you."

"You are very welcome, Harvey."

He recalls what prompted him to come over to Stan in the first place. "Do you remember…what you said at the end of our final session?" Even though it had been almost a year ago, the words had stayed with him.

The doctor smiles. "I believe I do."

"I wanted to let you know…you were right. It happened today."

* * *

_"Mazel tov, Harvey. I am very happy for you."_

_"Thanks, Stan."_

_"So, you're going to be a father." The doctor leans back and smiles. _

_"Yes," he says with a touch of trepidation._

_"And how are you feeling about that?"_

_ "It's just_…_I've been hoping for this for a long time. But now that it's really happening, I'm not sure if…I'm ready…"_

_Stan considers him for a moment. "Why don't you tell me about your father, Harvey? __What was your relationship like?"_

_He could probably talk about his father all day, given the chance, but he does his best to sum up how much he meant to him. "He was_…_everything I wanted to be. I really looked up to him. To me, he was perfect."_

_Stan looks at him gently. "No parent is perfect, Harvey. I think it will be helpful for you to understand this as you take this step in your own life."_

_"Well, maybe it was because of who I had to compare him with."_

_"You mean your mother."_

_He nods and says nothing. He's long past getting angry at this topic—it's more like acceptance now—but he still prefers to focus on the present. They'd made so many new memories together in the last few years that it felt unhelpful to dwell on those from so long ago._

_"You resented her because of her infidelity."_

_"Yeah, wouldn't you?" He says tiredly. "It was her fault that our family fell apart."_

_Stan looks unconvinced. "I would suggest that infidelity is often a symptom of an unhappy marriage and not necessarily the cause."_

_"Well, it sure isn't the cure."_

_"Perhaps not. But do you think your parents were happy before the infidelity began?"_

_ "I mean, my dad loved her, and us, more than anything. He told me once…" He stops, embarrassed, as tears start to form in his eyes._

_"What about your mother?" Stan prompts._

_"What about her?" _

_"Was she happy?"_

_He doesn't know how to answer that. In truth, he's never really thought about it. "I think she probably…wished my father was around more. He wasn't home much."_

_"I see."_

_"But not because he didn't want to be," he adds quickly. "He was a musician, it was just…what he had to do."_

_"That must have been very difficult for her."_

_He feels uneasy about the way this conversation is going. "I guess…yeah…he didn't make it easy on her." He recollects his dad's own assessment—'Maybe a cool father, but not a great one…' He'd never accepted those words, because somehow it would feel like a betrayal of his dad's memory. _

_It seems like Stan can sense the guilt in his words, because he leans forward and speaks directly and earnestly. __"Harvey. We all have flaws, it is what makes us fundamentally human. It does not diminish your love for your father to acknowledge this."_

_He nods uncomfortably. He realizes it's the first time he's mentally assigned any blame whatsoever to his father. Not for her cheating – no, that had been all her – but maybe for making his mom feel as though he wasn't there for her. That it was her only option. The same reason why Donna had kissed him that day, and why he'd gone to her without caring whether Thomas was still in her life. It wasn't to hurt anyone, or to ruin lives – it was because sometimes it felt like the only possible choice._

_These thoughts leave him feeling slightly off balance and he tries to bring himself back to even ground. "So, how's this related to me becoming a father?"_

_"I would posit that you know the answer to that question."_

_Stan's response surprises him at first, but he begins to understand the implications of his realizations. "Yeah…I guess I do."_

_"Harvey, I am confident that you will have the same kind of love for your child that you and your father shared. But as you go through the process of becoming a parent, y__ou should not view this as following in anyone's footsteps, but rather charting your own path." _

_"Thanks, Stan." He hesitates. "What if I don't__…__feel it, at first? __What if it takes me some time to get there?"_

_"That is quite common, Harvey. But you cannot force this. One day, __you will hold your child, and feel as though you have the whole world in your arms. And you'll know that you will never let anything happen to this child, because you will experience a bond of unconditional love.__"_

_"I know about unconditional love," he says softly. _

_Stan smiles. "Yes. I believe you do."_

* * *

They say their good-byes and their thank-you's and make their dinner plans, and finally it's just the four of them again. Donna waits while he retrieves the stroller from inside the church and carefully lays the sleeping twins inside. He takes time to tuck their blankets around them so they won't get chilled in the cool autumn breeze, and gently kisses each forehead.

Satisfied, he turns to his wife and she reaches for his hand with a contented smile.

"Ready?"

"Ready."


End file.
